


In the darkest hour

by CharlyImperial



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II
Genre: M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-01-18 06:37:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1418590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlyImperial/pseuds/CharlyImperial
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A well-hidden secret could bring Fenris to leave Kirkwall forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for Beta-reading Immortalbears!

„That´s a terrible idea.“ 

The day had started so nicely, with a discussion on how to spend the evening over a strong drink at the Hanged Man.  
Ever since Hawke and Varric came back from their expedition to the Deep Roads with a shitload of money, times were more promising than usual.   
Every now and then between jobs at the Wounded Coast, running errands for the Dalish, the evening was just spend with a good gambling with the crew.

But what their day and most likely also their evening was now leading to left a bitter taste in Fenris´ mouth.   
The Bone Pit Mines were a gloomy place. One could feel the death and sweat of many men and elves hanging in the air like a thin fog.   
He really wasn´t found of thick cave-walls hanging over his head and wondered how a the dwarfs in Orzammar could deal with never seeing the sunlight at all. This made him feel uncomfortable and trapped. He glanced over to Anders, just to see that the Mage was in fact just as pale as he himself must be.   
Only Varric and Hawke seemed to be in a jolly good mood, as they made their way through the dark, empty mines. 

“It´s not!”, Hawke laughed, “I don´t see how you could spend your day better than in a smelly, dark mine that most likely serves as a dragons nest!”   
Varric shook his head at Hawke and smirked. “Always the optimist, aren´t we?” 

Fenris could only roll his eyes at that. Hawke never failed to make him wonder if he was brave or just utterly stupid.   
“You really do plan to fight this dragon, don´t you? We´re inside, Hawke. If he doesn´t eat us directly, because we can barely avoid it´s teeth in here, we will most likely suffer from the smoke that his fire will surely produce.”   
Hawke turned around a bit, looking backwards while walking, after Fenris had explained his doubts. There was still that always-present smile on the Mages´ face, that made the elf´s stomach twist and turn weirdly every time he had to look him.   
“Don´t worry, Fenris.” Their leader smirked, “Hubert said the mines spread out widely. As soon as we´re deeper inside, there will be enough space for us to fight. I doubt the Dragon will be found in a small cave-way. And if the situation is too dangerous – we turn around and leave. I promise.” 

The elven-warrior nodded quietly at that, his mouth a thin line and his brows furrowed. Why did he agree to follow Hawke on this mission anyway? He knew this was dangerous and he would never find his revenge and his true freedom and peace if he died fighting against a bloody Dragon in some cold, dark Mine.   
Fenris eyes were locked on the Mages back. What was it about Hawke that made him convince so many people to follow and help him out? Even Anders who once, during a game of cards, had confessed his fear of narrow places, had followed them into this – indeed – quite narrow place. Which would also explain while Anders looked like a walking ghost. 

The elf blinked and turned his gaze away again. He.. still owed Hawke. Though they have only known each other for a few short months, Garrett still managed to do so much for him. Fenris would probably still be on the run, if not for the protection that he and Varric gave him, which allowed him to stay in that mansion for a little while longer. Fenris knew that he wouldn´t be safe for long – eventually Danarius would come for him. He did not dare to believe that when the time came, Hawke or any member of their group would stand by his side. Still... It was nice to stay at a place for a while. To be able to enjoy the company of other people, even though the elf knew it was just borrowed time.. he still owed Hawke to help him out in return. That was why he was here. Or so Fenris wanted to make himself believe it. 

Thinking about the hot fuzzy warmth in his belly, every time Hawke smirked at him... But the thought was quickly tossed aside as they indeed reached a chamber that was huge enough to fit both his and Hawkes mansion at once in here. 

“Well call me a Nug-Lover!”, Varric called out and shook his head, pointing at some white-ish broken pieces that looked strangely like a huge, broken egg.   
“I think we have indeed a Dragon in here somewhere. And I fear it´s not only one.” He scratched his head after discovering another one of those eggs. 

“At least now we know what happened to the workers.”, Hawke chuckled, “They ended up as Baby-food.”   
Anders let out a relieved sigh, clearly more comfortable in this larger cavern-part . “What are we going to do now? Does this change our plan?”  
“Not at all. Except you don´t want to hurt the cute little babies?”, Garrett teased, punching Anders´ shoulder lightly, just to get that punch in return – much harder.   
Fenris grumbled darkly when he heard the two mages laugh. He watched Garrett put an arm around the blond in a gesture of friendship.  
No wonder they´re so close, thought the elf, assuming that power-hungry Mages searched sought each others company.   
But he quickly regretted that thought. Was Hawke truly power-hungry? His opinion about that abomination was clear, but Hawke was still a puzzle for him. 

Before Fenris got to think about this more deeply, the group continued their way deeper into the mine. They crossed a few skeletons and meaty somethings, of which, nobody bothered to ask what these once could have been.   
As more time passed, it became clearer why Hubert had been so worried. This mine was a dangerous place and clearly the grave of many many poor men.

Anders closed a hand around his own neck and shuddered. “This reminds me too much of the Deep Roads.”, he mumbled more to himself. “The air in here is thin, right?”   
That just got him a hard, but friendly pat on the back. “The air is totally fine, Anders. Calm down.”, chuckled Hawke, but still stayed close to his friend in case the Healer started to freak out.  
“Ahh Blondie – remind me to not suggest bringing you along when we enter a cave. Or bring enough beer to make you all smooth again.”, the dwarf laughed a bit, fondling Bianca lovingly.   
“You know that Justice doesn´t approve of alcohol.”, was the sighed answer to that, from a clearly tense Anders. 

“You better keep your nerves together, Mage... ” Fenris snarled, as he discovered a smaller Dragon hissing in their direction, only to be followed by three others. They were just about the height of a male human, so after all they found indeed the babies.   
“It wasn´t nice of you to eat all those poor men, you cuties!”, Hawke laughed as he grabbed his staff and without further show threw the first fireball just into one of the cuties' faces. 

The room quickly filled with. hissing, shouting and the explosive sound of spells hitting a harder surface.   
With only one warrior in the group, it was up to Fenris to meet the babies eye to eye. Their attention was on him most of the time, but if not for Varric's arrows and the mages' spells, he would have gotten more than just tiny scratches. 

The fight didn´t last all too long. The little Dragons were still young and clumsy, to separate the clauses and their flames weren´t big enough to hurt badly. With a growl, Fenris´ sword cut through the long neck of the last one. 

“Oh, Mama won´t be happy about the mess.” Hawke ruffled his hair as he looked at the bloody messes that once had been Baby-Dragon.   
Anders drank a Lyrium potion, looked around if anybody was hurt, before the group again continued their way. 

“Are you okay, Fenris..? You were pretty close to those little hungry mouths.” Garrett had fallen back a bit, letting Varric and Anders take the lead for a while to make sure that his only warrior was not just too proud to admit that he had any wounds. 

The elf let his head sink, so that his hair covered his eyes as he spoke.  
“I am fine.”, he mumbled, “They didn´t really got me.” I am fine,” he mumbled. “They didn't really get me.”  
He didn´t dare to look up, because he was sure that Hawke would be grinning at him again. It confused him. If there was one thing that he disliked, it was having his mind fogged with unimportant thoughts.   
And this was unimportant, right? They would face Mama-Dragon soon and it wouldn´t be as easy as her children.   
Fenris was still concerned about the small room they would be fighting in – and compared to a grown-up Dragon it would clearly be small – and the risk of poising themselves with the smoke that the flames would create. They needed to be focused and ready, otherwise this could end badly. 

The elf could see Hawke raising his hand as if he wanted to place it on Fenris´ shoulder, but the Mage backed away and sighed.   
Fenris was more than glad about that, since touch still caused him discomfort and he just in general wasn´t all too eager to be touched for... another reason. 

It didn´t take more than a few minutes before they saw the entrance to another bigger cavern of this mine. The entrance was broken at the edges, as if something big had forced its way in. The heavy, loud breathing and grunting from inside, made it quite obvious that they had reached their goal.   
Everyone pressed their backs to the wall to the sides of the entrance, trying to peek in and see what sort of dragon awaited.

“It´s huge..”, Anders whispered. “But it seems to be sleeping. I guess we don´t get a better chance.”   
Hawke nodded and frowned a bit, which caught Varrics attention.   
“Anything interesting, Waffles?”  
The Mage shook his head and shrugged. “It just seems to be sitting on something. I guess it´s not important for now.”, Hawke took a deep breath and nodded to each of his friends. “Take care of the flames. Try to aim at its sides and neck. Be careful with the tail – get hit by it and you could break your neck.” He gave a final nod, signifying that they should enter the cavern.  
Hawke was sure they would win this one, just he was always a bit worried that one of his friends could be badly hurt. But that was the risk of fighting right? Nobody expects them to bake cookies, this was a bloody serious business. 

At first, Anders casts a spell that would lock the Dragon temporary at it´s place – which sadly also caused the beast to wake up. A loud complaining growl filled the room as Varrics arrows hit it with some arrows, but most of them didn´t manage to pierce through the thick skin.   
Just as a flame-spell from Hawke rushed over his head, Fenris leaped forward to attack. The Dragon´s growl met Fenris´ yelling in Tevene as his sword cut a line through it´s its side. 

“I can´t hold the spell anymore..!”, Anders warned as the Dragon broke out of it´s its lock and managed to bash a huge paw against Fenris´ side, making the elf crash against the next wall.   
“Fenris..!!” Hawke yelled, but didn't stop throwing fire and ice at the blasted Dragon. Luckily, Fenris was tough and got up pretty fast again. 

The fight took several minutes – The beast did everything to not die.   
But with many arrows stuck in its skin, burnt badly and with its toes cut off, it stumbled and crashed to the ground, before it stopped moving completely. 

“We did it!”, Anders grinned, raising his staff in victory, before he reached for a Lyrium potion. “I swear this was harder than I hoped it would be. Can we now get out of here?”   
“Wait..”, Fenris yelled over, since he was still close to the Dragon. “Hawke was right. It was sitting on something. Gold. The Dragon is sitting on some gold and silver. I always thought that dragons protecting treasure was just a myth. Dragons that protect a treasure were a legend.”, the elf bent down to get one of the coins as suddenly a loud gasp was to hear.   
“Fenris, get away..!!”, Hawke managed to yell before the Dragon used its last bit of life to raise its head one last time and breathe fire in Fenris' direction.. After that it finally died. It was as if it couldn't bear to see its treasure touched even though it had no more than one last breath.  
The elven warrior, on the other hand, wasn´t quick enough to get out of the way. Before he managed to get away it hit his chest and the force made him fall back onto his head.   
For a moment, everything was white pain. His ears were ringing and he couldn´t see straight. Fenris felt dizzy and his throat was burning with bile, since the pain was intense enough to make his stomach turn over.   
He knew that his chest must be badly burnt. Luckily, he had his chest-plate on; otherwise, it would surely have killed him.

Anders and Hawke came running to him immediately. They knelt at his side, and Hawke lifted his head carefully.   
The blond Mage let his eyes wander over Fenris´ body and let out a relieved sigh. “You lucky bastard.”, he mumbled. “Seems like your amour took most of the damage.”   
Yeah,' Fenris thought, ´why is my chest feeling like it melted then?´   
Nothing but a deep huff left his mouth. He blinked a couple of times before he dared to look down at his own body. The chest-plate was black from the flames, but besides that, it looked like he get out of that well. 

“Are you okay, Fenris?”, Hawke asked quietly, as the elf sat up and took another painful breath. “We really should have a look at the skin on your chest if-”   
“No.” Fenris cut Hawke off mid-sentence. “I´m fine. I just hit my head really hard when it knocked me over. I don´t want your magic or eyes on me!”, he spat more rough than he wanted to.   
Sitting up unfolded the bitter truth. The flames had been so hot that his chest-plate melted onto his skin at the edges. The burning hot metal was now pressed against and into his flesh. However, since it was just a little bit at the edges, Fenris thought that he could take care of that himself – once he managed to get a bit of privacy. Unless somebody looked closely, they would not see it.  
Even though this hurt terribly, his ears wouldn't stop ringing, and his heart was still beating too fast... He couldn't let Hawke, or – Maker forbid – Anders take off his armour.  
No. If they found out...   
Fenris shook his head at his own thoughts. This was not an option. He would act through the pain and took care of that as soon as he was alone. He always did. 

Hawke meanwhile made a face as Fenris got up. Being yelled at for wanting to help him was never... well it just wasn´t nice.   
Sometimes Garrett wondered if Fenris hated him truly. The elf was not a friendly man – to nobody. But sometimes he acted especially mean towards Hawke.   
The mage sighed deeply and got up to walk over to the treasure, not bothering to remind Fenris that he should say something if he changed his mind. 

“It really seems like we found a good amount of money here, my friends!”, Varric announced happily as he looked through the piles of gold.   
“Take most of it.”, Hawke mumbled towards the other three man. “After the Deep Roads I really don´t need any more of it. Anders, you need it more with your clinic, and Varric, you do so much for us – it´s the least I can offer. And Fenris.. ah.. well.. you surely need it.”, Garrett was terrible at hiding a grudge, but he tried his best. 

 

Fenris groaned, acting annoyed now that they needed more time to collect the coin and discuss how much each of them could keep. The pain was extraordinary and he had a hard time breathing, since panic also washed over him as he felt so much reminded of the day that he got his markings.   
“Can´t we just leave already?!” he hissed, as most of the coin and silver was placed into a linen bag and Anders got himself some Dragon´s toes and scales.   
“Aw come on, Broody!” Varric laughed, “Give us a break. Aren´t you at least a bit happy about all that money?”   
“I don´t care about coin as long as I have enough to feed myself.” Fenris grumbled and turned away, clenching his chest at the upper end of his ribs, hoping that nobody would see it.   
His bare feet tapped over the cold stone-ground as he left the hall, acting angrily again, just to look for a quiet place to sit down.   
He didn´t go far. He took a break behind a big rock. He leaned on it, only to slide down until he ended up sitting on the ground.  
The pain was maddening and Fenris started to feel dizzier and dizzier. Closing his eyes seemed like a good idea against the dizziness, but after a moment he couldn´t really bring himself to open them again....


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to ImmortalBears for Beta-reading!

Chapter 2: 

“Let him pout.”, Anders rolled his eyes watching as Fenris left the hall. “I don´t know what is wrong with him. It´s not like we just killed a dragon and found a treasure as a reward. I mean – hey – I don´t feel well here, but you don´t see me complaining.” With that, the blond Mage threw the big linen bag over his shoulder, hearing the gold-coins jingle. He could use this for new ingredients and bandages for his clinic that he desperately needed. Of course he liked helping the sick of Darktown, but earning no money sometimes brought difficulties. Luckily enough, Hawke agreed to help him out every now and then and their adventures were a big help, as well. 

Varric and Hawke exchanged a look, not sure if they should agree with Anders or not. They both knew that Fenris was.. well.. difficult. Who could blame him after living as a slave, but it was far from easy to deal with him sometimes.   
Hawke, who was still a bit offended that Fenris had yelled at him earlier, decided anyway that he might have a look if the elf was well.   
“It´s okay, Hawke. We´ll follow you soon.. just collecting the last bit of treasure, aye?”, the dwarf nodded and turned back to the coin as Hawke stepped off. 

The caves around him were chilly and dark and he wondered if he would find Fenris so easily. The elf was quick and maybe already off into the next bigger carvern.   
Garrett couldn´t help but calling himself a fool that he actually bothered to follow him at all. Fenris would probably just hiss at him again and make him regret every friendly word they might have exchanged. 

On his way he picked up a shiny rock, wondering if that thing was worth anything. It glowed a bit redish and was most of all just pretty. Maybe he picked it up because he liked the color so much.   
He shrugged and continued on his way, the rock still in his hand, as he nearly overlooked the elf.   
Hawke stopped, blinking and turning around to see Fenris leaning against a rock on the floor, eyes closed and heavily breathing. 

“..?? Fenris?” The mage came closer, putting his palm on the elf's cheeks carefully – he wouldn´t risk a glowing fist in his chest – just to see if he would wake up. “Fenris do you hear me?”, a worried frown came to his face, as the elf slowly opened his eyes. It seemed like this was exhausting enough and Hawke swallowed hard as the green emeralds blinked at him, fogged with pain and confusion.   
“Hawke? .. Why am I here?”, Fenris looked around and slowly began to remember that he was looking for some solitude to take care of his burning, painful chest – which he immediately clenched and groaned in a new wave of pain. 

The human mage shook his head and grabbed a health potion, holding it close to Fenris´ lips.  
“Drink that and then you will let me look at your chest. Damn you Fenris – I knew you were hurt! What do you get out of this pride, but unnecessary pain?”   
With a weak gesture the elf let himself be helped to drink the potion, feeling the liquid running down his throat and immediately making the pain more bearable. There was still this throbbing, pinching pain, but at least Fenris felt like he could breath again. He knew that he really needed to take care of that metal in his skin – he wasn´t stupid enough to count on his luck. This could get infected or the metal would poison him after all.   
But even this risk was not worth to let Hawke or anybody under his armor. 

The elf carefully handed the potion-bottle back, only to shake his head weakly.   
“It´s okay. I.. got a bit dizzy from the fight that is all.” he tried to lie, only to meet Hawke´s frown.   
“Sure. And exhaustion alone made you clench your chest in pain I assume? And you surely won´t faint again! Hah!” the mage laughed without humor, “Don´t you dare thinking I´m a fool, Fenris. Off with that chest-plate.” 

Fenris flinched and glared at Hawke right after that.  
“Watch your tone, Mage.” he grumbled, but blinked confused a moment after. His hand pushed his hair back and his head was leaned against the rock, taking another deeper Breath. “Forgive me, Hawke.” Fenris added quietly. “You.. don´t deserve my anger. I'm exhausted and testy, not hurt.. I just want to go home and maybe drop by the Hanged Man later, okay? Just.. don´t touch me.” 

Hawke watched the elf closely, frowning and thinking about what was off here. He didn't believe a single worda single word of what the elf just told him. Fenris was pale and there was sweat on his forehead. Garrett had seen him fight so many times by now.. there was no way this one had exhausted him so much. Or was he just paranoid and the warrior had nothing but a bad day?   
Garrett knew that he shouldn´t cross a line here. Fenris had told him that being touched is uncomfortable for him and he wouldn´t dare to force the elf to undress – there were so many things wrong about that, that he wouldn´t even start thinking about it. 

“I am worried, that is all. I want you to speak up when you feel bad but.. Fenris.” he sighed, “I can see that something is off, but I trust you, that you would tell me if the pain is too much.”   
A tiny, unhappy smile crossed Fenris lips, but he shook his head afterward.   
“I appreciate your concern, Hawke. But it´s fine.” he reached into his beltpockets to get another healing potions, something he should have done much earlier anyway, just to prepare his body for getting up.   
The Mage got up himself and offered a hand to help him, which Fenris, this time, took and was pulled up to his feet again. It took some effort to not make a pained face, but the elf rather clenched his teeth than lying another time. 

It did not take long before the other two men came to join them, that they traveled back to Kirkwall.  
By the time they reached the City´s border it was already night, so Hawke decided that he would report Hubert in the morning about the dead Dragon in his mines.   
Fenris, on the other hand, was even more sweaty than back in the cave and fighting with his dizzy head again. Luckily enough, his friends knew better than to bother him about his well-being, even though he saw the worried side-glances of Hawke and Anders. 

With a quick nod the elf said his goodbyes to Varric and the blond Mage, before rushing towards Hightown. Usually he accompanied Hawke on his way to the new Hawke Estate, but he really needed to reach the mansion that he called his own quickly, to finally treat his body.  
Hawke made an effort to follow him, obviously confused about him disappearing so quickly, but he gave up after a few steps. 

Fenris closed the lock on his main-door, before rushing upstairs to his room, as he finally reached his ´home´.   
No need to hide his discomfort anymore, he started panting and clawing at the table to steady himself as he lit the candles.   
“Kaffar...” he cursed under his breath. Why did it have to be his chest of all things that the dragon hit? But he should be glad, since the plate protected him after all.   
Carefully, Fenris lifted his shaking hands to feel how badly the melted metal had burned his skin. He yelped in pain as soon as his fingers came in contact with the damaged parts, followed by a few nasty curses.   
Again, with caution, he undid the leather belt that kept his armor in place, to remove it slowly. Once the heavy thing was gone, he could use balms and more healthpotions and everything would be fine again. 

Just as soon as the belt was opened, Fenris froze in terror. 

The plate wouldn´t come off.   
The metal melted into his skin, which kept it in place and now sagged from the weight.

Fenris swallowed hard and tried to stay focused as he reached up to pull at the blasted thing. It has to come off!   
But he tried for nothing. The pain was so extraordinary, that he quickly closed the belt at his back to at least relieve the aching that the weight put onto his skin. 

The elf paled and rushed to the a bucket that was carefully placed besides his bed. Usually when Hawke didn´t called him for a job or an adventure, Fenris spend his nights drinking wine.. lots of it. Having a bucket close in the morning wasn´t the most stupidest idea to have.   
Now that his stomach was emptied, relieving him of the dizziness, panic and pain rushed through his light elven body.  
Would he never be able to get this thing off ever again? Would he have to live with the pain from now on? .. would he poison himself? Metal under skin couldn´t be healthy.. Oh the irony. The Lyrium, which was a metal in it´s liquid form, hadn´t killed him, but maybe now the metal that should protect him, would.

Kneeling over the bucket, Fenris had to make a decision.   
He was a proud man and thinking about the only logical solutions, made his face burn with shame.   
Could he ask Hawke? At least he was the one who had offered him to speak up, if anything was wrong.   
But speaking to him and letting Hawke help him would only mean revealing his secret.? Thinking about Hawke calling him a freak or something worse, made Fenris´ stomach turn over and he hurked into the bucket again.   
He couldn´t do it. Deep inside he knew that loosing losing Hawke's respect was the least thing he would want.   
That only left Anders. 

Fenris carefully got onto his feet, feeling all wobbly and weak and taking a deep breath.   
Anders needed to help him, as much as he hated it. And Anders would keep his secret, if only because Fenris would kill him if he didn´t. 

Taking a bit from the coin they had collected today, the elf tried his best to reach Anders´ clinic. It was hard for him to not faint or vomit again, even though there was nothing left in his stomach.   
The lamp over the clinic door was no longer lit. Fenris was bathed in sweat and he had never been so pale.   
Asking for help from the abomination wasn´t easy for him at all. He had to swallow down his pride but.. What other choices were there to make?   
Hawke was out of the question and a other Mage, that was a stranger.. No. Fenris would never leave another Mage close to him. Also, at this time of the night, the chances of getting help from the Circle were slim.. 

“Anders. It´s me.” he called, using the Mages name for a reason. This wasn´t the time to fight.. he had to keep still as long as he needed the man. “Open up!” his fist banged against the wooden-door again and again.   
It felt like forever until the sleep-drunken Healer finally opened the door. 

“Fenris what in the Makers name..?” but Anders stopped mid-sentence, only to clear his throat.   
“Stubborn bastard.. I knew something was wrong. You look like darkspawn..”   
With that he stepped aside to leave Fenris in.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3. 

Closing the clinic-door behind him, Anders´ eyes were quickly on Fenris again. Not only because he saw in what a terrible state the elf was, but also, because it was never smart to turn your back to Fenris. Especially with this tense relationship they had. 

“Tell me what is wrong.” The Healer tried to sound calm, and professional, while watching the upset and sick Fenris drag himself to one of the cots, sitting down.   
Catching his breath Fenris needed a moment to actually get an answer out. This was terribly difficult for him. Being in a situation that showed him vulnerable and weak, and would only lead to showing Anders something, that he wasn´t willing to actually show anybody.   
How would the Mage react? Would he laugh? Would he tease him? Or start to ask questions?   
The elven warrior reached for his pocket and threw a bag of coins on Anders´ desk, hoping the little donation would keep the Healer silent. If not, he had to use force to make sure his secret stayed one. 

“What are you doing?” Anders looked at the Money, raising his eyebrow and shaking his head. “You know I don´t take money. Even if I would, I would certainly not make you pay, you stubborn ass. Would you finally let me have a look at your chest? That´s where the Dragon´s flame hit you, right?”   
Again meeting silence, the Mage rolled his eyes and simply stepped closer, only to see that Fenris was willingly opening the leather-belt on his back.   
“It was not that hard, was it?” Anders couldn´t help but mock. Fenris behavior was ridiculous, and childish in his eyes. He already knew that magic touching him, caused him pain, even if it was healing-magic.. but was it worth dragging yourself all the way to Kirkwall, being obviously burned somehow?   
The blond man waited for Fenris to remove the metal, but he didn´t do so. 

“I can´t.” The elf finally grumbled between clenched teeth. “The metal melted into my skin.. I can´t remove it.”   
“Oh shit.” Was the answer to that. Anders scratched his beard, thinking for a moment, before he waved his hand.   
“There is no way around it, Fenris. I have to get it off you. I won´t lie – this will be painful.” He walked around his darkened clinic, collecting some potions, balms and a piece of thick leather.   
“I will remove the armor-part quickly in one go, before I immediately will heal the wounds that this will cause. I assume there is also metal in your skin, which I will remove as well to save you from any blood-poisoning. Now lie down.” Anders explained carefully, hoping to calm Fenris at least a bit down with it.. or make him trust him.   
And for once the elf really listened to him, laying back onto the cot, taking a deep breath.   
Anders wondered what it was that made Fenris so incredibly tense. He could see the veins on the warriors arms poking out, his fists clenched so much that his knuckles seemed white. Was it the pain alone? Anders knew that Fenris had been hurt much worse than that, which of course didn´t made this any less painful, but the elf usually kept himself together much better.   
“I want you to bite on this leather, okay? No need to bite your tongue off.. even though i wouldn´t mind hearing you never talk again.” Anders smirked, only to meet a stony expression.   
When his hand came closer to Fenris´ mouth to give him the leather to bite on, the elf´s hand suddenly snatched up, grabbing the Mages arm roughly. 

“Listen Mage...” Fenris growled dangerously low “If I catch you causing me more pain than needed I-”   
“Do you really think I am that much of an asshole? Makers breath Fenris!”  
“-I will make sure you get that pain back twice. Understood?” He finished his sentence, only to turn his head away, hesitating.   
“There is also something else...”   
Anders crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. “You can´t be in that much pain, if you still have the energy, to hold a monologue. Tell me what is up, and let us get this over and done with.” 

To the Mages surprised Fenris looked.. anxious. The elf bit his bottom-lip, chewing on it for a second, as if he really was fighting with himself about what followed next.   
“There is something I am not... happy with.” he started to explain. “Anyway I can´t change what it is, and I have to live with it, but... I swear I will hunt you down and make sure you never see the sunrise again if you tell anybody.” Fenris made his threat clear, before grabbing the leather out of Anders´ hand. “Now you may start.” Sharp elven teeth were finally meeting the leather.   
Anders blinked in confusion, again not getting what was wrong with that elf. “What? Are you growing a tentacle under your clothes?”   
The Healer shook his head, not understanding, that Fenris had all reason to be a bit worried. For Anders this was again nothing but a dog that barks but never bite. 

“Okay get ready Fenris. Off with that piece of shit.” He warned, grabbing the edges of the silver chest-plate, before using all of his strength to pull it off the elf´s chest. A muffled, painful groan filled the clinic, through clenched teeth and leather. Fenris ached his back, clawing at the cot-edges, as if it would help against the sudden burning pain that rushed through his body.   
Immediately Anders´ healing magic was on him, to ease the worst pain, while the heavy plate crashed unwatched to the floor.   
“Shh shh. It´s fine. It should be a bit better now.” The Healer tried to calm his patient, who indeed let the leather fall out of his mouth, with a pained pant, that at least didn´t sound as terrible as his groan earlier.   
“Get this metal out of my body..” Fenris growled weakly. He paled even further and the sweat ran down his face, as he tried to prepare himself mentally for what was unavoidable. 

Anders grabbed a few of his bottles and tweezers , to place them close to himself.   
“This will take some minutes, but once I´m finished I can make the pain stop completely, okay?” Seeing that Fenris´ tunic already had some wet spots, from the blood, that surely broke out as Anders had forced the plate off his skin, he better hurried.   
With trained hands the Mage opened the buttons on Fenris´ tunic, even though the elf tried to do it himself, unsuccessfully, since his hands were too shaky.   
He opened up the tunic and let Fenris´ arms slide out of it, so he had free access to the sides of the elven chest, as he suddenly stopped.  
Anders blinked a bit confused at what was exposed to him.   
Fenris´ head was turned away in shame, followed by a hiss “Could you not stare at me, and do your work?!”   
Anders blinked again. “Sorry.” Before he sat down, and grabbed the tweezers.   
There were.. breasts. Really small ones. But clearly not what he expected to see on a man´s chest.   
He had to shake his head again, to make himself focus on his work. Using the tweezers he tried to get the melted metal-pieces out of the fresh wounds. Anders knew that this was very important, so Fenris´ body had a chance to heal properly again. This was honest handwork, that would take some minutes, because magic wouldn´t help here for once.   
He could hear Fenris pant in pain every now and then, knowing that having a tweezers poking into a wound, wasn´t exactly nice.   
“I.. shouldn´t have stared.” The Mage apologized quietly again, “I was just surprised.”   
And surprised was more than a understatement.   
Why hadn´t Fenris told anyone? How was his voice so deep?   
But that wasn´t really Anders´ business, was it? What right had he to ask questions? So he kept silent, as much as the elf himself, who didn´t even bothered to acknowledge the apology.   
Anders changed the sides of the cot, to work on Fenris´ other side of the chest. The two men choose to not speak a word, until Anders was finished with his work. As soon as the metal was out of the wounds, and the Healer double-checked them, Healing-magic was again on Fenris´ body to close the wounds completely.   
Anders went to get one of the balms and pressed the packaging into his patients palm.   
“Use this once, the next three days and you should be fine again.” He explained and turning away, as the elf sat up to get dressed. 

To Fenris big relieve the pain was really gone. His chest still felt a bit sore, but surely he didn´t got the balm for nothing. He quickly closed the tunic, before wrapping his arms around his, now covered-up, chest.  
Carefully and a bit curious he watched the Mage, who actually had turned away... well.. respectfully, so Fenris could cover himself up again.   
Wouldn´t he ask questions? Why was there no laugh? No mocking?   
“What are you planning, Mage?” Fenris grumbled unsure. “Are you saving your taunt for the right time?”   
“A simple Thank you would have been enough, you crazy dog.” Anders rolled his eyes and turned around again, looking at the elf who was still sitting at the cot, tightly pressing his arms against his chest. “Why should I mock you, anyway? I don´t see a reason.”   
Quickly Fenris was up on his feet again, walking over to the Healer, with the intention to intimidate him.   
“I don´t believe you. Your rotten brain, is probably working on something right now! … Don´t you dare telling anyone!” He barked, meeting a, nearly, bored expression. Anders was more than used to Fenris´ way of speaking to him. He wouldn´t take this on the light shoulder, but he knew that right now nothing would happen to him.   
“Fenris..” Anders sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose “I just saved your bloody ass. Why would you come here, when you are so concerned that I could tell anyone? Which I will not. What is happening under your clothes is not my problem.”   
Fenris hesitated and stepped a bit away again, chewing his bottom-lip and huffing as if he needed to think about what he just heard.   
“I.. Thank you for taking care of my wound.” He managed to spat out, as if it was a terrible thing to say. “I.. don´t you care? Why are you not asking questions..? I.. this doesn´t make any sense.”   
Collecting all of his utensils again, to clean them and sort them back into place for the next patients, Anders only shrugged, suppressing a yawn. It had been a very long day, and the Mage really had more than enough of Fenris´ rude way of speaking with him. Even if this would have shocked him enough, that the questions needed to come out, he wouldn´t dare of asking the elf right now, anyway.   
“This is called being a decent person, Fenris.” He simply mumbled “What other people do with their sexuality or gender doesn´t matter, does it? I got attacked enough in my live, for being with Karl. I saw other people being treated like shit for what they are, and I have enough of it. You of all people should know that. Mages, Elves or anything that doesn´t fit in the norm-”   
“But the Chantry accepts same-sex couples.” Fenris grumbled. “I´ve never heard of any problems.”   
Anders laughed and shook his head, as if he really was amused about that.   
“The Chantry, Fenris? As much as the Templars, who work for the chantry, every last bit and chance of pushing a Mage down, is a feast for them. Also not every person accepts this particular way of the Chantry. Listen to the People who like to rant against Empress Celene´s Lovers. You see – I have seen enough injustices. I will be the last person, that starts to mock somebody for what they are.”   
Anders felt anger rising inside of him, thinking about what was wrong with the world, with the people, and especially Templars, who worked in the name of the Chantry.. Justice roared within him, but he managed to hold his spirit down.   
The Mage grabbed the moneybag that Fenris had placed on his desk earlier, together with some bandages, and tossed them over back into Fenris´ hands.   
“Take your bloody money. I said you don´t need to pay. And you shouldn´t wear your armor, as long as you use the balm on your skin. Use those bandages around your chest.. or not, I frankly don´t care, what you do. Now get out.” Anders was too exhausted from the day and Fenris´ treatment, his last bit of Mana used up, to deal any longer with the confused-looking elf.   
“I..” the elf opened his mouth to say something, but then decided against it. He placed the money and the bandages in his pockets, grabbing his damaged chest-plate, and turned to leave.   
Closing the clinic-door behind him, Fenris took a deep breath.   
That visit... turned out very differently from what he had expected...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta-reading this time, so I hope there were only minor mistakes.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

The next day, Fenris was awoken by a knock on his door.   
The night had been less uncomfortable, than the elf had expected it to be. He had expected mockery, laughing and a mean fight between him and the blond Healer.   
But the man had been surprisingly understanding, or rather quiet, about what he had discovered.   
Nearly four years he was on the run now... Fenris was always careful, to not let anybody too close. He was sure, that being alone would protect him. And here he was – surrounded by people, who had not only helped him out many, many times, but also protected him from being caught. At least for now.   
Fenris also was sure, that as soon, as somebody found out that he was not born male, he would only earn mean words, and misunderstanding for it. Could it be, that he had been wrong all along? That his experience in Tevinter weren´t the answer and key, to what he could expect from people?   
Fenris got up from his bed, his chest tightly wrapped with the bandage he got from Anders, under his tunic, to make it look flat. The elf checked one last time if everything was in place. Usually his chest-plate hid everything well enough, and it was much more comfortable than bandages that squished his breasts against his body, making it harder to breath. This could be fatal, when it came to a fight.  
But for now it has to work this way. The skin on his sides was still very sore, even though the balm was helping a bit.   
Tapping down the stairs, Fenris´ mind was still wondering, if he got the whole situation wrong. Or did he let himself be lured into a situation of trust, when he really should be more careful? Maybe all of this seemed save, but in the end, would cost his neck?   
One thing was sure – If Anders started to talk, if only one of his, so called, friends, started to question him... he would leave.   
Being confronted with this wrong body every day and night, was already more than Fenris sometimes could stand. There were nights, that made him wonder how he survived them. Nobody would understand his struggle, his hatred for his own body. How could they? Fenris felt abnormal, being punished with a female body, when he just knew and felt male. Danarius had made sure, that he never forgets this. Told him, that this was a punishment, and lured him into loyalty, with promises of making him feel better. His voice was the only gift by his former-Master, that Fenris had ever been thankful for. Even though he would never admit it out loud, and he knew that Danarius only presented him, to make sure his ´little wolf´ was well and focused on his Master alone.   
The elf closed his eyes a little moment, to focus back on the present moment. He shouldn´t forget what was important. Letting his guards down, would make him vulnerable.

Opening the door, a wide grinning Hawke wished him a Good Morning.   
“You look much better than yesterday.” The man smirked “I really thought something was wrong with you, but seems like I was worried for nothing.”   
Fenris blinked and cleared his throat, a bit caught off guard by Hawke´s worry about him.   
“I´m feeling much better.” the elf nodded and pointed inside. “Do you wish to come in, Hawke?”   
But the smirking man, directly lifted a palm to show that he wouldn´t come in, and explained:   
“I still need to see Hubert about the Mine. Then I need to check the Wounded Coast – seems like some bandits have a nest there.” He chuckled “And what would I do without my favorite elf? Also Anders and Sebastian are already waiting to accompany us. What do you say? … Of course, if you still feel tired from yesterday, I would understand if you-”   
“It would be a pleasure to accompany you, Hawke.” Fenris immediately nodded, without letting the Mage finish his sentence. He was aware of the little flirty-tone in his voice, though, wondering if this had been the right thing to do. But seeing Hawke´s face lit happily, Fenris could feel his heart beating quicker, and a thin smile was on his, usually grumpy, face as he turned away to grab his things. 

The elf came back, with his sword strapped onto his back, and the huge belt around his hip. Just the chest-plate was missing this time.   
“I´m ready to go” He said and followed Hawke through the Hightown-streets. Hubert was just around the corner on the Marketplace, so it didn´t take them all too long to reach the Mine-owner.   
Of course Hubert was relieved, not knowing that Hawke and his friend, not only freed him from a Dragon and it´s babies, but also from some golden coins.   
Hawke chose to rather not the tell the, already very greedy, man, knowing that his friends needed the money much more than him anyway.   
The two men continued their way, only to meet Anders and Sebastian at the edge of the stairs that lead outside the city.   
“Is everybody ready?” Hawke asked the other men, which was answered by nods, before they finally started their journey to the Wounded Coast. 

The midday-sun burned merciless, with no wind to make the heat a bit more bearable. The waves and the water, at the Coast, just relieved the four men a bit, thinking about that they might just jump in once the job was done.   
“If I had known that it would be this hot, I might have stayed at my clinic.” Anders sighed, even though he had already stripped free of his feathered coat, only running around in a light tunic now.   
“Just enjoy the sunny weather, Anders. The Maker has blessed us, with a beautiful day. Isn´t that a reason to be thankful and happy?” Sebastian asked, obviously enjoying the deep blue sky and the not less blue sea to their left side. There was sweat on his forehead and he felt much too heated up as well, but he chose to not complain.   
“Yeah everything is a blessing for you isn´t it?” The Healer rolled his eyes, just to get a friendly, tiny slap on his back from Hawke.   
“Come on, Grumpy-face! I nearly get the idea, you and Fenris have a competition about who makes the better broody.” Garrett chuckled and smiled at Anders, trying to cheer him up a bit. “Sebastian is right – It is a very nice day. I choose sun, over rain everyday!”   
Anders couldn´t help but chuckle a bit.   
“I wouldn´t even think about such a competition! Being grumpy ruins every pretty face. I can´t do that to my own, right?” Of course Fenris could hear the tone in Anders´ voice, that was clearly meant to mock him.   
Fenris would never understand that abomination, not in a million years. Only yesterday night, he had been very understanding and decent to him, just to start his mockery today again. At least he did seem to keep his word and not tell anybody a thing.   
The little taunt wasn´t even worth to be answered by the elf anyway, so he nearly forgot about it again... wouldn´t it be Hawke himself who actually agreed.   
“You´re totally right. I rather look at a pretty smile.” Garrett smirked himself and winked at Anders playfully.   
Ouch.   
The elf felt a burning sensation in his chest, and clenched his fists, looking away to the ground. Fenris hated feeling jealous about Hawke. He didn´t owned him, did he? Also the man literally flirted with everybody, so there was no prove at all, that Fenris even had a chance. … and even if he had, even if Hawke was seriously interested in him: There was no way he could give in. Fenris was sure, that if the Mage ever found out what he was hiding under his clothes, well pressed against the bandages under his tunic, he would turn away from him and break his heart. If Hawke was interested in man only... how would he deal with a female body? Would he accept it? Probably not. Fenris was so sure, that he shouldn´t even dream of a relationship and of letting anybody to close – ever.   
Still Hawke – a Mage of all people! Oh the irony in that – made his belly turn happily with every smile, made him believe in himself. He protected him, respected him and he was handsome... Fenris sighed. He should stop right here and right now.   
Looking up again, he met a concerned gaze. Hawke was looking at him, worried and curious, and the elf wondered his his mimic had given away anything.   
“Don´t stare at me, Mage.” He grumbled, and hated himself for that immediately. 

Garrett cleared his throat and watched the way again.   
“Aveline had told me the Bandits shouldn´t be far off. A Guard found their camp, but didn´t stand a chance against a group of those people.”   
“Wait – there was only one Guard?” Sebastian asked a bit confused “This area if full of criminals, isn´t it? Where could they hide better? Well... besides Darktown of course.”   
Hawke only could chuckle again. He wasn´t surprised that Sebastian, of all people, didn´t have a clue.   
“Around this time of the year a lot of couples use those little spots to have some time of their own. The Guards usually keep out of this area a lot. Nobody likes to run into shagging people I guess.” Anders was the one explaining instead of Hawke. “I wouldn´t be surprised, if we meet Isabela around.”   
“But isn´t that dangerous? And I doubt all the criminals suddenly stop visiting the Coast.” Sebastian shook his head. “This is not right. The Guards should keep an eye on those people, if they´re innocent even more.”   
“Last time I talked to Donnic, he told me Aveline tries her best to change the rules. She agrees with your view, Sebastian. Seems like the old Guards Captain didn´t bothered with those couples, so the Guards find their ways to not do this embarrassing control-rounds.”   
“Hey, there IS a reason we´re here.” Hawke shrugged “Aveline still keeps the Coast clear. But since the Guards apparently still need to get their butt´s kicked, she solves this her own way. She isn´t Guard Captain for that long anyway.”   
“But doesn´t the men respect her a lot?” Sebastian looked around, a bit concerned they might into one of those couples themselves. “They should do what Aveline tells them.”   
“You make too much of a drama of this.” Anders throws in. “It´s just a couple of weeks a year, it´s nearly a tradition in Kirkwall. Second Spring, you could say. And Aveline will kick the Guards well enough at some point. Until then we do the dirty work. Besides this one patrol, I guess the Guards fear enough to get their asses kicked by her. Nobody wants that.”   
Fenris sighed deeply. “You two don´t understand, that loyalty means to do the unpleasant work as well. As long as Aveline doesn´t have this under control, the Guards are not completely loyal.”   
“What? Letting your men do stupid, unneeded patrols, making them angry and tense, making them hate you as a Captain, is really needed to gain their loyalty?” The Healer rolled his eyes.   
“Oh don´t you start to discuss loyalty with me, Mage!” Fenris hissed back “You wouldn´t even know what this is, if it bites you in the back.”   
“Children, please.” Hawke sighed. “No fights, or I´ll send you back. I bet Isabela wouldn´t mind giving you some spanking, for not behaving well.” 

The group indeed fell quiet as soon as Garrett decided to take a little short-cut. The way up a little sand-hill was absolutely no problem at all – but going down was a terrible idea. Their feet had no grip in the sand, making them fall down and slide down parts of the hill, instead of walking.   
“And this was a good idea because...?!” Hawke himself asked out loud, as he fell onto his butt a third time. “Luckily the sand is not hard.” He sighed as he got up. “We´re nearly down. This saved us half an hour of walking in the hot sun. That´s.. something.” He chuckled, talking more to himself than to anybody.   
Taking some big steps, the Mage hoped to have this sandy nightmare behind him quickly and indeed he reached some steady grounds first.   
Anders and Sebastian made their way down more slowly, choosing to rather not make a fool of themselves by sliding down, or falling down all the time.   
“The half hour we saved, will be for nothing if you two don´t hurry up!” Hawke called, but smiled and shook his head. Even if they lost the saved time, the view was worth it.   
“Remind me to never follow one of your short-cuts ever again.” Fernis cursed angrily. There was sand in his hair, sand in his eyes, and sand on body-parts, that he would rather not think about.   
Stumbling the last few inches down, Fenris nearly crashed face-first down, if Hawke didn´t reacted quickly enough and grabbed his arm. He carefully placed Fenris back onto his foot again and smiled.   
“It wasn´t that bad was it? - Oh sorry.” He mumbled, snatching his hand away, from the elf´s arm. “I know you don´t like being touched. … Listen.. I was wondering if I could do something about the pain, those marks cause you. I was working on a balm and..”   
“A balm?” Fernis raised his eyebrow, rubbing the aching skin and some sand out of his hair. “And when exactly did you plan to tell me that?”   
Hawke raised his hand in defense. “Hey, I wasn´t exactly doing something behind your back, you know? I... did some research on potions and casually read a bit about Lyrium. I really would like to test this, Fenris. It could help you.”   
“Test? I have been a test-subject long enough in my life.” the elf grumbled, crossing his arms angrily.   
“Oh Makers breath, you bloody elf. Not a test-subject! Just let me try to help you. Or are you to proud accept that from a Mage?” The hurt tone in Hawkes voice was clearly recognizable. He really just tried to help Fenris, but it was hard to actually get that elf to accept anything. It was frustrating and sometimes Hawke wondered why he even bothered.   
“I didn´t mean no offense...” The Elf suddenly explained “But-”   
“FIRST!” Anders reached the ground and laughed happily. His tunic was soaked with sweat, but the proud grin on his face, made up for that. “See I was quicker than Sebastian.”   
Hawke smiled at Anders, before he turned to Fernis again.   
“We speak about this another time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> University starts again, but I try to update the fic at least weekly :) 
> 
> Also no beta-reading again: I hope you forgive me my mistakes, since english is not my first language. I try to keep the mistakes only minor.   
> Thanks to everybody who followed up to this point! :D


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: 

The group continued their way, only to reach the Bandits-camp a few minutes later. Everybody was tired from the long way, and climbing that sand-hill, with the sun burning down on them hotly.   
“See? I told you my short-cut was a good idea. We would still be on the road!” Hawke smirked towards his companions, who really didn´t look all to happy about that.   
“Yeah, but thanks to your little short-cut we´re tired and sand is basically everywhere. Never again, Hawke.” Fenris sighed and looked around, raising a hand suddenly, so they would stay quiet.   
“It´s too silent. What about those bandits?” the Elf asked quietly.   
“Maybe they´re not here, right now?” Sebastian mumbled, taking a few steps further to look around.   
There was clearly a camp. Sleeping-bags were lying on the ground, as well as bottles and a old fireplace. But no people as far as they could see. 

They started to search the camp for any clues, or coin, that would make this trip not for nothing.   
“Aveline won´t be happy about this..” Garrett sighed, running his fingers through his sweaty hair, as suddenly Anders called them over.   
“Makers breath... Everybody come here and look at this.”   
The three other man hurried, to see what their Healer had discovered, only to catch their breaths as soon as they could lay an eye on it. The camp wasn´t abandon – a few feet away, the Bandits were lying on the ground... or whatever was left of them. An arm, a leg, or just a, brutally ripped off, head.   
“Maker have mercy on those souls and guide them..” Sebastian folded his hands to a prayer for the fallen men. He did not make a difference between a criminal and a nobel-man – they all deserved a last prayer.   
“What happen to them..? Animals maybe?” Hawke bend down to have a closer look at the corpses and made a face. The heat made their flesh rot quickly – the smell was so awful, that the men covered their noses with a cupped hand. “There are bite marks. But they don´t exactly look like animals´, if I´m perfectly honest. .. Dark Spawn maybe?”   
“Unlikely.” Anders shrugged, “There is no entrance to the Deep Roads around, also I would sense them, if they were close.”   
“But what else could have bitten.. or eaten them, if not Animals or Dark Spawn?”   
“Why is it so unlikely that this was the work of a Cannibal?” the ex-Grey Warden said, and walked away from the corpses a bit, to avoid the terrible smell. “I have met a Dwarf who started to eat the corpses of her dead friends.. But to be fair, she lost her mind, thanks to the Dark Spawn.” Anders sighed, thinking about what he had seen in is frankly not so old life already. There was so much, that just wasn´t right in this world, meaning that he and Justice would have a lot of work, even if they managed to set the Mages free after all. Mages weren´t the only issue in this world, but there was only so much a single man, with a spirit, could do alone.   
“Or it was Bloodmagic.” Fenris grumbled, kicking a corpse over with his bare foot, shaking his head at how disfigured the man looked – half of his face was eaten up, as it seems.   
“Whatever it is – I´m not here to invite, who- or whatever did this, to tea. Let´s take anything that we can use and head back home. Aveline needs to know about this.” Hawke interrupted, before any of them could make further guesses. “Especially with all the couples around, in this time of the year, this could be really bad. Somebody is hungry for human-flesh, that´s for sure.” 

~*~*

After returning to the Barracks and explaining to Aveline what they had found, everybody returned to their own home.   
Aveline, of course, hadn´t been all too happy about the report and was just as worried as everybody, about what might have happened to those men. But the Guard-Captain now had a good excuse to finally send more Guards to the Wounded Coast. She wouldn´t risk any civil-victims to be attacked, during a little private time outside of Kirkwall. 

Fenris and Garrett had the shortest way from the Barracks, but chose to walk a bit side by side. It was early evening already, and finally the temperature started to cool down. Still the smell of sweat and salt couldn´t be ignored.   
“We smell like pigs.” Fenris stated the obvious and sighed, watching Garrett from the corner of his eyes.   
“We do indeed.” The Mage chuckled and shrugged. “It is a shame actually. I wanted to ask you, if you want to come over and let me test this balm I earlier talked about. But I guess we have to take a bath first... That means.. You could use the bathroom at the estate, so we still have time for the balm. If you´re okay with this?”   
Fenris sighed, looking at his own hands, thinking about if he really wanted this. He would´t mind to spend some time with Hawke... But this balm still left a sour taste in his mouth. He still was angry about being a test-subject to one of the Mages experiments. On the other hand, wasn´t this balm for him? To make him feel better? Could he really blame this on Hawke, rather than being thankful?   
Also Fenris really needed to use a bathroom. The sweat and sand was sticking on him, like a second skin. He felt uncomfortable and really didn´t wanted, to have anybody in his radius when he still smelled like that.   
“... Okay. Fine.” The elf agreed, still hesitating a bit. “I want to use your bathroom first... then we can talk about this balm.”   
Hawke´s face lit up happily. “Ah good thing I have more than one bathroom right? And they´re not occupied by corpses, like I know for a fact, are the other ones in your little, cozy mansion.”   
“Point taken, Hawke. Also I assume the water at your estate is warm.” Fenris smirked a tiny little bit.   
“You cheeky elf! Admit, that this was the only reason you agreed! Stealing my warm water – I am offended!” Garrett smiled, failing to act as if he really wasn´t all to happy about Fenris using up the luxury a warm bath.   
Still that earned him a little chuckle from the elven-warrior – Hawke couldn´t be happier. 

As they entered the Hawke- Estate, Garrett was greeted by his dog and Fenris used it as an opportunity, to disappear inside one of the bathrooms, unseen by Hawke´s dwarfs. He didn´t felt good around servants, even though he knew that Sandal and his fathers came here on their own account, and that Garrett was a decent man. Fenris just would rather not meet those two.   
The bathroom wasn´t really huge, but having one, or even a few was a luxury itself. Most people, who weren´t as rich as the Hawke´s now were, usually gathered in public washrooms.   
Also this bathroom was much more clean indeed, then the ones Fenris had found in the mansion he occupied.   
The elf locked the door tightly, and even made sure a few times that it couldn´t be opened, before he undressed himself. Looking down at his body, he sighed heavily, wishing he would see something else, before he filled up the bathtub with some warm water.   
The water itself hurts his markings, as he let himself sink into it, but he didn´t mind that much right now. Besides the aching of his marks, he could feel his muscles relax a bit, and the dirt finally was washed off.   
Fenris wasn´t a fan of unneeded extras, but the fancy, colorful soaps, that were lying next to the tube, caught his attention. With a shiver he remembered Danarius owning some that looked quiet similar, but of course Fenris had only been allowed to touch them, when his Master ordered to wash his old body.   
He carefully took one of the expensive soaps and sniffed it. Lavender. If Hawke would mind, that he used one of them? Oh he really couldn´t stop himself. Danarius would have been furious, to see an elf use such a fancy soap. That alone was enough reason for Fenris to scrub it all over his body. 

Minutes later he stepped out of the tube. He wasn´t here to stay in the bathroom for hours anyway.   
His skin now smelled faintly like lavender, and not like sweat anymore. He wished he could change into some fresh clothes, but his old ones would do the job, too.   
Carefully binding his chest, and stepping back into his pants and tunic, Fenris left the bathroom just moments later, looking for Hawke.   
The Mage was already sitting at his working place in the library, with his usual red indoor dress.   
Garrett looked up as he saw Fenris entering, smiling at the elf.   
“I got us some wine.” He smirked and pointed at the glasses on the table. Hopefully this would relax the prickly elf a bit.. or at least would make it easier for Hawke himself to fight against the disappointment, that he surely would feel, if this doesn´t work out. 

Fenris came closer, all too aware of the soft carpet under his bare feet, and his pounding heart in his chest.   
He sat down next to the other man, and directly took a big gulp of the wine in one of the glasses.   
“Tell me about this balm. I won´t let anything on my skin, that I don´t know about.” Fenris explained, taking a deep breath. He really was tense.   
“I am still not sure if this will work.” Hawke started his explanation, followed by listing up different herbs and potions he used in his balm. “...Usually the effect of this root would calm burned skin, but I hope in combination with the Camomilla vulgaris, it will.. Well to be honest, I don´t know if it will ease your pain.” he chuckled nervously. “I need to test it. If it does anything I mean. That´s why you´re here.”   
“Could it hurt? I mean if you have no clue what it does.” Fenris had lowered his gaze, watching his own hands again, clenched into fists.   
“Don´t worry, it won´t. My skin at least didn´t. Fenris.. I have no intention to hurt you. Never.” He tried to catch the elf´s gaze, but the white hair kept his eyes hidden.   
Since he didn´t get an answer, Hawke just reached for the clenched hands, taking one in his own and opening it.   
“Trust me, Fenris.” He tried to calm the nervous man. “In the worst case, it does nothing, and I will have to continue looking for a solution.”   
The balm, that Hawke had placed on the table next to them, had a strange unique smell, as the Mage took some onto his fingers and very carefully spread some of it on Fenris´ palms.   
Hawke was clearly anxious himself, fearing that his balm would cause a burning sensation, or anything that could be unpleasant and make Fenris flinch away from his touch.   
Even though he probably would wave it away with a joke, this balm had cost him many hours of work and research. He wanted this to work. He wanted to help Fenris and make the warrior trust him – trust a mage. 

Fenris flinched at the touch, but kept still as the sticky balm was spread over his hand. The elf never let his eyes go off the other man´s hand, as if he feared Hawke would reach out and hurt him, if he didn´t payed attention.   
But the Mage was surprisingly gentle with him and the balm simply prickled a bit on his skin for a moment. Fenris rose an eyebrow, staring at his hand, as even the prickling stopped shortly after.   
“How does it feel?” Hawke asks him and let his fingertips rub over the white marks on his palm.   
The elf couldn´t help bit blink a few times in disbelieve. He felt.. nothing. Just the man´s fingers on his skin – no pain, no burning.   
“Hawke this..” He had to clear his throat. “I think it works. No pain.” 

Garrett couldn´t believe his ears. He actually managed to find a formula, that could help Fenris against the chronic pain he seems to have to life with every day.   
“Don´t praise it too much, just yet.” He still admitted. “I don´t know how long it lasts and if there will be any side effects but.. Makers Breath I am proud of myself.”   
A little laugh followed, relieved that this experiment had worked out. Also seeing that Fenris clearly started to relax, even smiling a bit back at him, made his work worth while.   
“Imagine that on your whole body though!” he smirked, still holding the elf´s hand. “I can´t free you from those marks, but at least I can make it more bearable.”   
His gaze fell back onto the marked palm.  
“And one day you´re going to be free from Danarius´ grip completely.” Hawke mumbled as he pressed his lips against the palm. “No pain, right? Just touch.” He mumbled against the skin, as he heard Fenris´ catching his breath in shock...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again no Beta-Reading.   
> Everybody that kept up with my english to this point - thank you! :´D


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: 

Slap!   
The sound of a palm slapping against a cheek, filled the Library all of a sudden.   
“Who do you think you are?!” Fenris had snatched his hand back, pressing it against his chest, as if he feared that Hawke would grab it again any time soon.   
The elf was breathing heavily and backed away from the other man, heart racing like mad in his chest.   
Hawke could only stare in shock for a moment. His cheek burned, and he forgot to breath. Shit. He had crossed the line too quickly. Had he misunderstood the signs? Hawke was so sure, that Fenris wasn´t completely uninterested in him... Was that a mistake? Or did he just scared the elf away?   
“I´m sorry Fenris I didn´t-”   
“No, shut up!” The warrior stopped him directly, before he let Garrett even the slightest chance to explain himself. “I`m not your little test-subject! And I won´t repay you with affection! But I should have known that you expect that from me – all you mages are the same! Think you can throw little favors around and get a play-thing in return!”   
“Fenris no!” Hawke roared and got up himself, now clearly angry. He wouldn´t sit and listen to this, without defending himself. This was all nothing but a misunderstanding. “I didn´t expect anything from you in return! It was a mistake – okay I got that! I thought you maybe like me! I thought I had a chance, but I forget about it! I will never touch you again. Don´t worry.”   
The man turned away, crossing his arms. The wine had been a good idea, since he was sure he would empty the bottle in one go, as soon as Fenris had left the estate. He had ruined everything. Just one touch and everything was for nothing... How could he have been such a fool? 

But Fenris stayed, watching the mage skeptical and angry. His heart wouldn´t calm down, and the anger made his head stir.   
“Why should I believe you, mage?! Your kind does nothing but lie as soon as they open their mouths! Maybe the balm was meant to lure me into-”   
“This is not fair!” Now it was Hawke, who wouldn´t let Fenris finish his sentence. “I could ask you the same in return, Fenris – Who do you think you are? I´m your friend, if you want it or not, and I tried to help you! Is this what I can expect from you, when I spend hours over this desk, with just the thought of how I can ease your pain? Have I done anything, to make you believe I want to harm you? Just because I´m a mage, I can´t do nothing, just with the reward to see my friend happy?” Garrett grabbed the bottle, skipping his plan to wait for Fenris to leave, and started to drink from it. This evening was ruined anyway. Might as well get lost in a bottle. “Get out here. I don´t need to listen to this in my own home.” 

The elf took another step back and away from Hawke. He still was angry but... he carefully cleared his throat, touching his own palm. Maybe he would regret walking out and returning home just like that. Maybe he was unfair? But Hawke was a mage after all, and all they did was looking down on him and using him. Fenris took a deep breath, looking up at Garrett, who tried to empty the bottle as quick as possible. 

“Hawke I...” He shrugged, walking back to the other man, grabbing the bottle, to place it back on the desk. Of course he only met a hard, angry gaze, as he looked up into Hawke´s face.   
“Don´t you dare, doing that ever again.” The elf started his explanation, without knowing himself what this would lead to.. or what he actually wanted to say with it. “Have you ever given any thought, what it was like to live under Danarius´ gaze? To be ready to jump and do as he says, at any moment of your day? To let him touch you – just like you did – to show how much he owned you? That he could do as he liked, because you were his ´thing´, his property? Do you have any idea, how hard it is, to stand next to mages, when your whole life you were taught, that they have any right to rule over you – to treat you like a dog, to beat you, to rape you, to take your food just because they wanted to – and now I am expected to understand and accept that those, who did all these things to me, are actually ´not that bad´ and ´not all evil´? And that grabbing your hand for a kiss, is not to show me, that you can do with me as you like, because I stand under you?”   
Hawke´s gaze softened with each word, only to come back to a pained expression. The Mage shook his head and shrugged, looking for words and a way to answer this.   
“But Fenris.. You can´t expect in return, that we, and I mean Anders, Merrill and I, just accept that you hate us, for what we are, even if we have done nothing. I understand, that your life has been very hard, and that it is difficult for you to understand and reflect but.. Makers breath, I didn´t mean anything, when I took your hand. I like you. That is all and that is all I will say to this.”   
They looked at each other for a moment in silent. Fenris really tried to understand, what Hawke actually planned. Was there even a plan? Or did he said the truth, and it was simple as that – just a tender gesture, to show that he liked him? Wasn´t that exactly what Fenris had secretly hoped for, even though he didn´t saw a chance? 

The elf raised his hand, to place it carefully against Hawke´s red cheek. “I... didn´t mean to slap you.” He apologized quietly. “I was.. I am angry. You don´t just touch me like that, again, understand?”   
Hawke sighed, pressing his cheek against the warm, small elven-palm.   
“I won´t touch you without warning you, ever again. I promise.”   
Fenris swallowed the lump in his throat down, thinking about his next step. Thanks to the balm, he could feel Hawke´s stubble tickling against his palm, but no pain. He could feel the warmth of the other man´s skin, and he stood close enough to smell the soap, Hawke must have used earlier to wash himself.   
“Am I allowed to touch you now?” The Mage stopped Fenris´ train of thoughts, making his heart skip a beat.   
All the elf could manage, was a small nod, that was soon followed by Hawke leaning closer to him. He could smell the wine in Hawke´s breath and feels his beard brushing against his chin, moments before the Mage pressed his lips firmly against Fenris´.   
It was just a short moment, just a bit of moving lips against lips – way too dry ones, and stubble itching against the burning marks on Fenris´ chin... but it was perfect.   
“That wasn´t that bad was it?” Hawke smirked, still a bit confused and angry about the little fight they had, but his mood clearly lifting. “Fenris?”   
The elf only cleared his throat again. The tips of his long ears had taken a slightly pink-ish color. “Do it again...”   
Hawke didn´t need to hear that twice. Happily he pressed his lips quickly back onto Fenris´ mouth, daring to pull him a bit closer, as the elf himself wrapped his arms around the humans neck.   
He was aware that Fenris had to stand on his toes to reach him properly, and that this must be far away from comfortable, but still their lips were locked against each other for quite a while. Garrett could also tell, that Fenris wasn´t an experienced kisser – too often their teeth crashed against each other, and he had to hold back a chuckle, since Fenris clearly had no clue what to do with his tongue.   
And still... it was perfect. There was nothing that Hawke would have done in exchange to this.   
Wondering if he was allowed to touch Fenris´ back, he tried to part their lips for a moment, only to be pulled back by an eager elf, who wouldn´t let the kiss end just like that. 

“Hawke..! You need to come and see that!” It was Aveline, that rushed into the Library in full armor, followed by Hawke´s dog and the dwarfs. “We found more corpses, that seems to be half-eaten, but...”   
The little grouped stopped, looking awkwardly away, as they just caught Fenris and the Master of the Estate, doing what they did.   
Fenris roughly pushed Hawke away, nearly making him stumble and fall, and stepped away quickly. His face was burning with shame, but he tried to overplay that, by asking:   
“More corpses? Where?”   
Aveline blinked a few times, her gaze switching between Hawke and the elf, before she raised an eyebrow and decided to follow along Fenris´ plan to ignore what they just had seen.   
“In the city itself. Down at the docks, some workers have found them. This really doesn´t seem to be the work of an animal.” She explained.   
“So do you think there is a Killer running around in Kirkwall? Again?” Garrett couldn´t help but smirk at that. Wouldn´t be the first time.   
“This is not funny Hawke!” The Guard-Captain grumbled, walking up and down nervously. “Some of the victims were Dwarfs that came from Orzammar. Seems like there was a political-change, and some of them had to flee. Still they were important people. Politicians themselves. I fear Kirkwall will get in trouble, if this speaks around.”   
“And of course the Guards can´t handle this themselves again, so they come to me.” Hawke sighed. “Ah well, who needs a private life, if you can run around at night, chasing a killer! Are you coming with us, Fenris?” Hawke shrugged, making his way up to his bedroom, to change back into his armor.   
“Of course I will.” 

Minutes later, the three of them, followed by Hawke´s dog, were back on the streets of Kirkwall.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I played a bit around with the thought of "Soul gems" from the Elder Scrolls. Something like that is mentioned in this Chapter.  
> Also added a personal Fenris Tevinter-headcanon. 
> 
> Besides that:   
> Happy Easter, and thanks for reading! :D

Chapter 7 

The only good thing about their little tour through Kirkwall, was that at this time of the evening, it was at least not as hot as it has been back at the Wounded Coast.   
Hawke sighed deeply, as they walked along the next dark alley without any hint of finding a clue about those strange corpses.   
When he thought about what Aveline had destroyed by walking in, he would whine miserably, if that wouldn´t raise questions. Garrett had been the happiest man in whole Thedas, when Fenris actually had kissed him back. Clumsy, but, oh so very sweetly.   
Glancing at the elf, who just walked a few feet away from him, the Mage wondered if he actually had the chance to repeat this any time soon. But right now they probably should focus on their task. 

The Guard Captain still seemed a bit embarrassed about having interrupted her friends, in such a private moment. Her gaze, as well, was on Fenris for a moment. What had happened between him and the mage exactly? Wasn´t it the elf who always claimed to hate magic, and everything that had been touched by it? Why exactly would he kiss nobody but a mage himself then?   
But Aveline had to admit, that Hawke was unlike any other men she had met in her life so far. He was kind and strong, and there was actually something in him, that Aveline had missed for most men back in Ostagar: A sense of honor.   
And even though Hawke was a Mage, and his jokes were the most terrible she had ever heard, everybody of their little group knew that he would never let them down.   
Fenris, on the other hand, never really left Aveline thinking that a bit of honor was running in his veins. He stole, he lied, he killed without even blinking. He was in so many things the exact opposite of what Hawke made a good man... But opposites attract, right? Maybe that was the solution, that Aveline tried to find. 

"Could you stop staring at me?" Fenris grumbled, when he finally had enough of both humans at once, looking at him with a puzzled gaze.   
Both mumbled a awkward "sorry" before turning their gaze away.   
"I don´t think we will find anything, tonight." The elf simply continued, sighing. "Besides the new corpses this Mage doesn´t leave any hints. One must admit – he does his job well."   
"What makes you so sure it was a mage?" The Guard Captain shook her head. "Don´t throw around any ideas, without a hint, Fenris. You said yourself, besides the corpses, there is nothing else."   
The elven-warrior rolled his eyes, walking a bit more slowly, thinking. How should he explain, that he was completely sure about what must have happened, without admitting something, he wasn´t ready to admit?   
Sometimes Fenris was annoyed by his own secrets. Ever since he had this group of people around him, he saw, that it was, in fact, not a nice thing to have a secret. One alone. Fenris had more than enough after all.   
"I.. think I have seen such a case before. In Tevinter." He carefully admitted, earning two surprised faces, again looking at him. "A Magister, that had been a good friend of Danarius, used to do a research paper on different kinds of blood magic. Of course, I never got to.. read those papers, nor did Danarius speak with me about this. But as a slave I was literally invisible. The two of them talked, while I was standing by as a bodyguard." Fenris sighed, not wanting to recall those memories, but he knew that he had started it now.. so he better finished it.   
"There are more than one kind?" Aveline looked a bit puzzled.   
"I´ve heard that it´s not all about, using blood and dance around naked." Hawke chuckled, only getting a nasty glare from his elven-friend.   
"What would you know about blood-magic, Hawke? Don´t disappoint my trust in you, Mage." he growled, clearly warning Hawke, about being careful what he would say now. 

Garrett sighed deeply, not being sure if he should be happy about, that Fenris trusted him in the first place, or if he should be sad about his sudden distrust.   
"Every mage has heard about this kind of magic, sooner or later. If I had been in a circle, this would have been probably the first thing they would have explained to me. Knowing your enemy, is better than being clueless, right? When it comes to demons at least." He tried to sounded calm and reasonable, which seemed to relax and convince Fenris a bit, since the elf only huffed as an answer and continued to explain what he suspected in their case.   
"Anyway – this Magister used to research on different uses of Bloodmagic. It is a common practice in Tevinter, to use even another persons blood, or sacrifice another human to please a demon.. and be more powerful in the end. This certain Magister seemed to experiment, to offer his demon more than blood. More live. More mortal souls."   
"And you got the idea he started to eat flesh, instead of using other peoples blood?"   
Fenris shook his head. "Not exactly. He rather was looking for a way to collect souls. Trap them in stones, gems.. But he also had the theory, that there was a certain interest in flesh, too. Month later, slaves were found, half eaten up. The case never really got cleared.. It´s possible, that other slaves were starved by their Masters and started to attack each other, because they were desperate. What I know is, that this friend of Danarius was never seen again, after this."

"This sounds suspicious, but all you have is that you think, it could have something to do with those eaten corpses. Do you really think this Magister came here, to continue his research? Here of all places? And you said yourself, he was rather interested in souls, than flesh.. which is terrible enough. Maybe it´s a copycat, but..." Aveline shook her head. She was thankful, after all, for Fenris´ story. They didn´t had any clue, no hints at all... This gave them at least an idea, why anybody would start to bite flesh of their victims. 

Hawke still watched Fenris, carefully. The elf seemed to be a bit upset, after telling his story, and Hawke got the intention that Fenris didn´t tell them everything... 

The group of three, plus Hawke´s dog, continued their round, before they decided that they wouldn´t find anything else for tonight.   
They had a look at the corpses again, but even that didn´t help them any further.   
Garrett promised Aveline, to keep his eyes open tomorrow again, and tell her directly if he found out anything. 

While the woman now made her way back to the barracks, Hawke and Fenris walked slowly back to Hightown.   
"Tell me Fen.." Hawke started, not sure if he did made a mistake now. Maybe he would offend the elf, or push his luck too far?  
"This wasn´t everything, was it? You know something else, that you did not tell Aveline earlier."   
Fenris raised his head and an eyebrow surprised, looking at the mage with his huge green eyes. How could Hawke have guessed this? Was it so obvious? Was this a trick?   
Quickly the elf looked away again, chewing his bottom lip. Maybe Hawke would use this information against him in the end..? Maybe he would be disgusted, or disappointed if he knew the truth?   
But he already kept a big secret from the man, that would cause him problems sooner or later already.. if he really planned to kiss him ever again.   
Fenris took a deep breath and shrugged, kicking a little stone with his bare feet. 

"I did not, no." He mumbled, scratching his neck. "This Magister.. might have a reason to come to Kirkwall after all. Not only, that I do think his experiments involved taking human, dwarfen or elven flesh from a still living body – but to make it worth while, and to keep the person alive long enough, there was a lot of Lyrium or Bloodmagic needed. This is why he came to Danarius. He wanted to know what he did to me. The Lyrium in my skin, you know? Danarius used me, if his Bloodmagic or Lyrium didn´t last long enough. I was his safety Lyrium-battery." Fenris´ voice was nothing but a low, bitter growl now. The memory pained him.   
"This Magister wanted to know the trick.. wanted to read Danarius´ research on placing Lyrium in somebody´s skin without killing them. Or he wanted me. Either way, Danarius refused, of course."   
"So it could be, that he is here for you?" Hawke sounded concerned.   
Again Fenris sighed and nodded quickly.   
"Not only that... I... Might have been not always completely faithful to Danarius. I never thought of running away, no, before the Fogwarriors happened. As a slave you only wait for what the next hour might bring, and how you can please your Master. I.. shamefully admit, that back then I would have done everything." Fenris looked way, hiding his face with his hair. It was hard to admit, and he regretted every single moment – but what was done, is done.   
"I had nothing, Hawke. Nothing but the clothes I wore on my body, and the goal of being a good ´little wolf´ for my Master. .. I may once or twice couldn´t resist though, when another Magister offered me presents, for spending some time with me. You can´t imagine, how difficult it is, to resist a full, warm meal, for just spending some hours in another Magisters bed, after you have been starved by your Master for days." The elf shrugged, "Danarius never got to know this. Nor did Hadriana. The other Magisters weren´t foolish enough to risk his anger. Me neither. It was just an hour or two.. Nothing more, to stop the pain in my guts, the burn of thirst, when Hadriana had refused to give me water again.." 

Fenris really didn´t dared to look up. Would Hawke now look down on him? He had been called nasty names by mages all his life. Worthless, dirty or whore. And those were even the nice ones. But this part of his life, now was behind Fenris. He would never go back to act this way – he was a free man, and free to choose and work for his own life. He wasn´t a thing to own anymore. 

"It must have been a horrible life. I am so sorry."   
The elf blinked confused, nearly twitched when Hawke´s voice formed the first words. He was prepared for everything, but not that.   
"I do not need your pity.." He grumbled in his confusion, not sure of how else he should react.   
“This is not about pity, Fenris.” Hawke made sure to add quickly “You deserve something better. You´re a good man after all and.. I don´t think I would have done anything differently. You took care of yourself, and had probably not much other choice but this. If one is hungry, one must eat.” Garrett even smirked a bit. “Really If I would look down on people, who have a lot of sex, I would never talk to Isabela. And I think Anders wasn´t exactly a saint either, from the stories he sometimes tells. I´m just glad Danarius never found out.”   
Fenris could feel the tip of his ears burning.   
“It wasn´t exactly.. a lot.” He mumbled ashamed. “And the only reason I told you, in the first place, was to stress out, that this Magister might have more reason to follow me around. I talked to him, told him about my Lyrium. But it´s just a guess.. I didn´t want to tell Aveline. It´s kind of private..”   
“Thanks for telling me then.” Hawke smiled and tried to catch Fenris gaze, but the elf refused to look at him. “Hey..? You really don´t need to waste any thought on this. I don´t think of you differently now. It was good that you told me.. I mean, I would rather listen to you, than find you half-eaten in the streets.” The mage reached out to touch Fenris´ palm, that probably was still under the influence of his balm.   
“Stay at my Estate tonight... I want to know you´re save.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut in this chapter - (just if anybody actually wants a warning :D) 
> 
> Also I know it is a sensitive topic. I tried to capture it well (that´s why the chapter is long) but still feel free to tell me, if I wrote anything that... feels off? I´m nervous about this chapter haha :`D

Chapter 8 

´Stay at my Estate tonight´ - Fenris felt his stomach drop at these words.   
He knew what that meant. He wasn´t naïve. And since he had kissed Hawke earlier, he shouldn´t even be surprised about that. A kiss was an agreement - a statement, and Fenris hadn´t even lied. He liked Hawke more, than it was good for him, and there was nothing that would stop him from following the Mage everywhere – even his bedroom – if not... The elf looked down on himself. The tightly bandaged chest, covered with the brown tunic and the tight leggings, that fit perfectly and hide well enough, what was missing, but Fenris wished to be there. How would Hawke react if he found out? Anders had been surprisingly calm and understanding about this, but the situation had been completely different. 

Still Fenris knew what he wanted. And maybe it wouldn´t even come this far – didn´t he deserve to be happy? Just for a little while?   
He looked up at the human and nodded carefully.   
“You... could continue with your tests. The balm, I mean...” He mumbled a bit shyly and cleared his throat after that. Fenris didn´t wanted to sound that way. He was a grown man, and shouldn´t act like a shy teenage boy, right? .. If just didn´t felt so nervous about all that. He didn´t wanted to loose Hawke, but tonight could end all of what has ever been there. 

Hawke grinned happily and agreed, that they should test a bit more, if the balm really worked on Fenris´ marks. So far the bit, that was placed on Fenris´ palm, was still working – but would it wash off? How long would it stay, and maybe there were still some undiscovered side-effects. Hawke stressed out, that he didn´t want Fenris to have any discomfort about the balm. 

The Mage lead his friend back into the Estate. Every room and hallway was dark already, so Garrett had to lit some candles in the library, while his dog lay down at some blankets at the door.   
Fenris sighed and looked around, as Hawke lit the fireplace to make the big room a bit more warm for them. He really had difficulties to calm his nervous heart at the moment, his hands tightly wrapped around each other to stop them from shaking. He had never been this nervous about intimacy... It just has been a way to please his Master or earn a warm meal, after all. Nothing special, but dirty, unpleasant work.   
His eyes focused back onto Hawke. This wasn´t about work, this wasn´t about to please Hawke... This was about himself. Doing something, because he wanted to and could allow himself to feel good, was still very new to Fenris. Over three years he was free now, but his chains were still locked around him. Being on the run, didn´t leaves much time to take care of your needs and finally settle down and be at ease with your own mind. Fenris still found it hard to think about little things – like taking baths, or sleep when he actually felt like it. This was so hard to understand for anybody, who had never been a slave... But actually allow yourself to do what you want, was a thing you need to learn. With his memory robbed from him, and all his life just filled with the need to please his master and do what HE said... Fenris felt like a mess. He knew nobody would understand, what was so difficult about all that. 

But there was no time to brood about his past life. Garrett came closer, now that the room was light and warm again. The Mage had already changed back into his usual red house-robes, and the two of them sat down where they had been, before Aveline interrupted them. 

“I need to touch your arm. Is that okay?” Hawke asked carefully, not wanting to upset Fernis again.   
The elf lifted one of his bare arms, his gauntlets cannily placed a bit away, on another table, and nodded.   
“Thank you for asking me, Hawke. This means... a lot. But it´s fine. I know what you plan to do, and that you need to touch me for this.” Fenris took a deep breath and nodded again, as he felt the Mage´s fingertips on the marks again. The balm was a little cool and again he felt a light tickling sensation, as it was spread over his arm.   
The warrior watched every movement of Hawke, still very tense, but amazed that his arm actually stopped with the sunburn-like pain. 

As Hawke worked his way on the other arm, Fenris focus was on the man´s lips. Garrett was so very close to him, that he thought he could feel the tickling of his beard against his skin. His musky smell and the warmth of his body... The elf wished nothing more, but to kiss him again.   
He flinched a bit, when Hawke looked up and caught him by what he was watching. Hawke smirked at him, baring his white teeth, as he lifted his hand to rub the balm over the marks on Fenris´ chin.   
“I´m so glad that you´re here, Fenris.” Garrett whispered before he pressed his lips against him another time. 

The elf could only sigh happily against those rough lips, opening his own to invite Hawke´s tongue.   
Quickly his arms were around the humans, surprisingly, strong neck and Fenris found himself being pressed against Hawke´s firm, warm body.   
Didn´t he wanted to be careful about this? Didn´t he hope, that it wouldn´t come this far again, in fear that his secret would destroy everything?   
But right now, his mind was only filled with the sweet kisses Garrett placed on his wanting lips and the presents of the other man, that filled his whole being.  
It was so messy and uncoordinated – Hawke made them slide down to the floor, sitting was to uncomfortable for this. There were teeth and tongue and hot breath on skin, fighting for dominance. There was panting and humming in pleasure, as Hawke got rid of his robe, only leaving him in his pants.   
Fenris´ hands wandered over the strong, hairy and warm skin – wanting to feel every inch of the other man. His own limbs felt like pudding, as the big human hands, caress his rips and hips.   
“Hawke...” The elf moaned against those, now wet and red lips, before he could stop himself. His whole body was tingling with a new sensation – with want and need, to feel Garrett even closer than this.   
Fenris could feel Garrett´s hands on his slim legs, and again he could only open his mouth for a sound of need... and then froze.   
He swallowed thickly, as he moves his legs a bit. Hawke was busy placing kisses and love-bites on his neck, but Fenris was distracted by something else: With every move he could feel the wetness between his legs more and more. This sticky mess, that felt wrong and as if it doesn´t belong to his own body. This shouldn´t be there... He shouldn´t be in this body. 

“Fenris?” Hawke looked up from his neck. “Is everything alright?”   
The elf sighed deeply, before he reached to cup the man´s cheeks and kiss him gently. “I.. am just nervous.” He lied, not daring to actually tell the truth just yet.   
And quickly Fenris´ worry was forgotten for a moment. New kisses, and panting lips against lips. The elf could feel Hawke´s hardness press against his legs – not without feeling a bit of jealously, but also wanting to reach for it... to feel it, to taste it, to swallow it down until he could hear the Mage moaning his name.   
Oh how he wished, this wasn´t so complicated. Fenris would do everything, to offer Hawke the body he wanted to have.  
But life was barely fair, was it? 

Fenris nearly didn´t even bothered to stop Hawke, with his pleasure fogged mind, as the man reached into his pants – clearly to continue their play. Of course he didn´t know about Fenris´ doubts and fears, since the elf hasn´t told him yet.   
Just in the very last moment the elf snapped and pushed Hawke away a bit.   
“Wait..!” He gasped, louder than he actually planned to do. “I need to tell you something! I-I..”   
But it was already too late:   
Hawke pulled his hand away, since Fenris wanted him to stop, and he would never continue without consents, but... He looked at his fingers, that were shimmering with slick wetness. What he had felt, when he reached into the elf´s pants, left no doubts. 

Fenris stared at the fingers, his face burning with shame and anger, as he quickly reached for his own shirt to clean Hawke´s fingers up.   
“Forgive me.” The warrior stammered, “I... should have told you. This was my mistake. This never happened – I understand, that you´re now disgusted and never want to see me again. Please just don´t tell anybody... It wasn´t my intention to fool you.” His word were quicker, than he could think and he was even quicker to get back onto his feet and flee from this scenario. Fenris was so sure, Hawke would be angry at him. This shouldn´t have happened – he shouldn´t have been such a fool to believe, that he actually could be happy with this man. 

But Hawke quickly grabbed Fenris´ waist and pulled him back into his arms, before the elf had any chance to flee from him.   
He chuckled friendly and pressed his lips back onto Fenris´ cheek.   
“It´s okay Fenris. Don´t panic!” Garrett mumbled carefully, kissing the soft skin again. He could feel Fenris´ heart racing strongly in his chest, since he pressed him so close against himself. He could only imagine, how the elf must feel now.   
“I´m just surprised, that´s it. I´m not angry and far away from disgusted – don´t say that! You could have told me, you stubborn idiot. But that´s all... I still want you to stay. If you still want, too, of course.” 

Fenris stared at him, confused, afraid and happy at the same time. His mind and heart did a little flip-flop.   
“You´re not.. not.. I mean you still want me to stay? Don´t you think I´m.. strange?”  
Again Hawke chuckled a bit and shook his head.   
“Let me see-” He reached to kiss Fenris´ nose, his ears and chin. “Nose is in place. Ears are in place... You´re still Fenris. I don´t see what is strange about you.”   
The elf dared to smile at Hawke, and pulled him back for a kiss. This was the most sweet, and understanding thing anybody had ever told him. Fenris still couldn´t really believe what was happening, and started to think, that he was just trapped in the fade – a good dream, nothing more. 

And so he didn´t hesitated to pull the human back and above him, kissing him hungrily again.   
Screw it – he told himself. If Hawke still wanted him, he could have him. His whole body was burning with desire, and his fear of being laughed at and rejected, was gone with one little statement from Hawke.   
The Mage groaned happily against the full, soft lips and quickly found his way back into Fenris´ pants.   
The wetness spoke for itself, as Hawke started to rub his fingers against his clit, earning a deep moan and shudder from the elf under him.   
“I want you.” Hawke moaned against him, getting out of his own pants, feeling Fenris´ hands reaching for his cock.   
They were back at messy and quick, as if they were starving for touch – as if this was all they needed and waited for, oh, so very long.   
Clothes were flying to the other side of the room, making Hawke´s poor dog whining in confusion and slowly trotting away from those strange two.   
While Fenris´ couldn´t stop fondling this huge, red cock between his fingers, Hawke carefully, but eagerly, freed the elf from the bandages around his skin.   
He still was a bit surprised, to actually find two breasts under it, but clearly didn´t mind it at all. He leaned down to kiss the elf, and cup one of it, rubbing his thumb over one nipple and feeling the softness against his palm.   
“Just.. don´t stare at me, okay?” Fenris mumbled quietly, still not feeling very comfortable in his own body. But Hawke didn´t even payed the tiniest attention to his female-bodyparts, in a way that could make him uncomfortable... He acted and touched him, as if he had expected nothing else, and if he really didn´t mind at all. Fenris even dared to feel save, as Garrett wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer and feeling the hot cocktip, brush against his wet entrance.   
“Can I...?” Hawke moaned, kissing him again, his voice thick and rough with lust.   
A tiny nod followed, and soon Fenris felt Garrett´s cock slide into him with one, strong push.   
The elf tensed a bit up, but tried his best to relax again. It has been years since the last time, anybody entered him. The stretching hurt a tiny bit, since he wasn´t used to it anymore. But quickly, and since Hawke actually was gentleman enough to wait a moment, Fenris felt good and full again, moving his hips on his own.   
“Please...” He whimpered, and groaned in pleasure as Hawke finally started to move against him.   
The friction was nearly too much – Garrett´s cock seemed to hit every sensitive nerve inside of his body, and his skin and hair were rubbing against his clit with every thrust of his hips. Hawke´s smell and the low moaning in his ears, nearly drove him over the edge already. Fenris´ feared a bit, that Hawke´ would stare at his breasts, like most of the Magisters used to do, but he didn´t.   
The elf wrapped his arms around the human´s back and moans helplessly in his arms. He felt like he was lying on a cloud, and not the hard library-floor.   
“Hawke....!” He yelped, scratching the Mages skin under his nails and aching his back, as every nerve in his body seemed to tense up and he came, more quickly than he had expected. “Ahh...!!” 

Garrett had closed his eyes, not wanting to make Fenris´ feel watched, as his cock slipped in and out of that warm, wet heat under him. His arms shuddered, since he tried his best to keep himself up and not crush the elf under him – even though he knew that Fenris´ was very strong, probably more than himself, he just didn´t wanted this to be unpleasant at all for the elf.   
Feeling the softness twitch and close even more tightly around him, as Fenris´ came, Hawke gasped for air, feeling the world spin around him, as he followed along just a moment later. “Fen- Hnng..!” 

Panting, Hawke crushed down a bit, onto Fenris anyway. Catching his breath and kissing the sweaty skin on the elf´s shoulder, he couldn´t be happier. Even though, he had questions why Fenris´ never bothered to tell him about his body, he didn´t wanted to ruin the situation and just stayed quiet. 

Fenris on the other hand, suddenly tensed up again. He had felt the sticky, hot load inside of him and needed a moment to realize what happened.   
Angrily he pushed Hawke off him, making him crush to the floor with a surprised yelp.   
The elf covered his chest, with his arms and growled:   
“Who do you think you are?! Why didn´t you pull it out..?!” Nearly Fenris´ also added, that even the Magisters were smart enough to not cum inside, but he stopped himself from that. 

“Maker..! I-I´m sorry..? I just didn´t.. I didn´t thought about..!” But Hawke could only watch Fenris´ getting dressed quickly again. This time he couldn´t stop him from fleeing the Estate.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you all again for the comments on the last chapter.  
> As I said, this is a sensitive topic, and I want to try everything to handle it as respectful as I can.  
> Of course, I make mistakes, so I am thankful if you point them out, so I can make it better next time! 
> 
> Besides that I am not completely happy with this chapter - I hope you enjoy it anyway! :)

Chapter 9: 

Fenris felt his lung burning and cold sweat on his face. He ran all the way to Darktown, only to stop in a small side-alley, catching his breath.  
The back of his head crashed against a dirty, old wall, as he stared up into the dark night sky.  
What had he done?  
Did he make a mistake? The elf felt his head stir, with all the thoughts that were running circles.  
Hawke had been understanding, and Fenris wanted his touch – enjoyed his touch. But everything had happened so fast, so wild, that he needed a moment to progress.  
Also that Hawke hadn´t pulled it out... Was this just a clumsy mistake, or did Fenris make himself a mages play-object again? Would Hawke use him this way?  
The warrior shook his head and started to walk again, kicking little stones on the street, angrily.  
Hawke would never do this. This surely was just a mistake! And still... Fenris just didn´t feel comfortable, right now. This was too much, too fast. He should have allowed himself to start this more slowly. Maybe Hawke now thought different of him, because he had agreed to be close to him, so very quickly.  
Fenris grunted in frustration. Should he be angry at Hawke, or at himself? Or was he acting childish now, and all this wasn´t as bad as he thought about it now? 

He reached Anders´ clinic-door just minutes later. Surprisingly this wasn´t as hard, as it had been, when his chest was hurt.  
The abomination knew. No need to hide what he wanted from him. 

Fenris knocked loudly. “Mage? It´s me. Open up..”  
Of course, at this time of the night, the clinic wasn´t open anymore. The lantern wasn´t lit, and Fenris could only hope that Anders was there at all. 

Luckily the blond Mages opened the door a bit later. Anders hair was messy and wild, and his upper body only covered by a thin shirt.  
He rubbed his eyes and looked grumpily at the elf in front of him.  
“Have you any idea how late it is?” Anders´ voice was thick with sleep, as Fenris simply pressed himself past him, into the clinic. 

“I need Paracelsus-roots.” Fenris grumbled, without looking at Anders at all. He just restlessly trotted through the empty clinic, rubbing his own hands nervously.  
The Mage walked over to a little cupboard, getting out a glass filled with brown, dried roots. But instead of giving it directly to Fenris, he looked at the glass, sighing and shaking his head.  
“Did you sleep with Hawke?” Anders asked quietly. He was well aware what those roots helped to prevent. “I mean... The way he looked at you, it is quite obvious. I was just wondering, if it would be Isabela or Sebastian. With Isabela you wouldn´t need the roots and since you smell like Hawke´s soaps..” 

Fenris looked up surprised and offended. He wanted to yell at Anders for daring to ask such private questions, but what made him stop was, that the Healer sounded.. hurt? Why did he think about that anyway? Was he watching Fenris? Was he jealous, because he likes Hawke, too? The both Mages always had been very close.  
The elf felt his own chest sting with jealousy, when he was just thinking about Anders and Garrett as a couple.  
“This is none of your business, Mage.” He growled and simply snatched one of the roots, out of Anders´ hands, chewing it quickly and swallowing it down. 

The elf was close enough for Anders, that he just needed to turn his head a little, to look at him. A few moments he said nothing, just watching Fenris eating the root, before he again shook his head sadly.  
“Seems like Hawke didn´t take good care of you. Otherwise you wouldn´t stand in my clinic in the middle of the night.”  
That was enough for Fenris to loose his temper finally. How dare the Mage speaking to him like that? How dare he, speaking about Hawke like that?! This was clearly not his problem, and he should be decent enough to keep quiet.  
Fenris reached out, and grabbed the humans shirt, pushing him roughly against the next wall in anger.  
“I would suggest you keep your ideas for yourself, Mage.” He hissed dangerously calm, his fist, that clawed the shirt, pressed against the Mages chest. “I don´t know, what your bloody problem is, but don´t ever speak like that about Hawke again! I thought you were his friend?”  
With a last push, that was meant to make Anders´ head crash against the wall just bad enough to make it hurt a bit, Fenris let go of him again.  
The elf was confused, that Anders didn´t even bothered to answer that. He just stared at him, hurt and tired. Just a quiet grunt leaving his mouth, when his head met the wall.  
What was wrong with that idiot? Fenris huffed in anger and turned away. This was clearly too much confusing stuff happening in such a short time.  
All he wanted now, was to go home and take a bath. Maybe he should avoid seeing Hawke and Anders for a while now.  
He didn´t wanted to be distracted by feelings and painful thoughts, when there was a chance of a Magister running around in Kirkwall, maybe even looking for him.  
And all that besides his usual, all present worry, that Danarius might come back for him any time. 

Fenris cursed under his breath, as he made his way to the clinic-door. How could he be so stupid? There were more important things – he had allowed himself to be weak, and all it gave him was more confusion, feeling guilty and used.  
Feelings were bad. Friends were distracting. Love was a wall, that blocked his way to freedom... or wasn´t it?  
It was so much more easy to block away everything, that made the elf question himself. It was so much more easy to be alone. 

Fenris had nearly left the clinic, as suddenly a very loud scream was carried over from the streets of Darktown.  
The voice sounded very familiar, which alarmed Anders and Fenris directly. Forgetting the argument, the two of them started to run towards the scream.  
Anders had grabbed his staff, and was ready to use it against any enemy that dared to attack their friends.  
The warrior called himself a fool, thinking about blocking people away, just to run seconds later to help a friend. His life was such a mess. 

But that didn´t mattered right now. It didn´t took them all too long to reach the source of that scream.  
Isabela was standing in front of a corpse – her white dress was over and over with blood, her daggers drawn, as she turned around, looking confused at the two guys. 

“I swear this wasn´t me.” She quickly mumbled, putting her daggers away again. “I was just walking around, as suddenly this freaking guy stumbled into my arms, vomit blood all over my pretty dress and falling to the ground. … I might got scared for a moment. I didn´t saw him coming.” The pirate admitted a bit ashamed, because she knew, that her two friends probably only showed up, because they had heard her scream. 

Fenris walked over quickly to have a look at the dead man, while Anders made sure, that Isabela really wasn´t hurt.  
“This is bad.” The elf mumbled, as he turned the man over. His shoulder showed many bite marks, and his ears and nose were clearly bitten – or ripped off. This looked way too much like the other corpses they had found already, in such a short time.  
Anders saw, too, what the elf had discovered and sighed.  
“This really isn´t good. We should go and get Aveline. Maybe Hawke as well. Something bad is going on.” 

Isabela looked confused between the two of them.  
“What is going on? Any reason this dude suddenly walked into me and died? Was he attacked by animals, or why is he missing body parts?”  
The Mage was kind enough to explain the situation to Isabela quickly, which made her shudder in disgust and also made her agree that they should get the Guard-Captain quickly.  
“I will get Aveline.” Isabela chuckled more happily than she should, given the situation “Maybe I catch her doing something dirty in the middle of the night.”  
“Aveline? I doubt that.” Anders smirked and sighed, looking at Fenris a bit concerned. “I will get Hawke then. … And Fenris should go home.”  
“Who are you to give me orders, Mage? I will stay with the corpse. You never know what might land on the table of the butcher otherwise. It´s Darktown after all.” 

Anders only rolled his eyes and walked past him, together with Isabela, without saying another word. Fenris wondered why Anders was so suspiciously silent, since he had asked for the medicine.  
“If you get bored, you can think about me.” Isabela made a vulgar gesture with her hand, and winked toward Fenris´ before the two of them disappeared behind the next corner. 

The elf sighed and sat down, next to the corpse, pushing the dead body a bit away with his feet.  
He only wished to have a bit of time on his own, and a calming bath, together with some wine... Now he was sitting next to a dead man, and was going to see Hawke again soon.  
Could this night be any worse? 

His silent thoughts were answered, as a figure stepped around the corner quietly.  
“Good evening, Fenris.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can´t keep it short. The subplot took a life of it´s own, and I hope you don´t mind that the story will be a bit longer than I planned :)

Chapter 10: 

This evening could have ended so very differently. He could be lying in his bed, with a bottle of wine, after washing off the dirt on his skin.   
He could have eaten the bit of Orlesian-Cheese that he bought some days ago, and that he secretly really loved to eat.   
Or he could be still with Hawke... Maybe enjoying the warmth of the humans body against his skin, as he managed to sleep for once in peace. No need to fear an attack, since he wasn´t alone. No need to fear Danarius coming for him and finding him unprotected. Maybe Garrett would... But that was out of option anyway. He should still be angry and upset about Hawke´s ´accident´. 

Instead Fenris found himself in the company of a corpse, sitting on the cold and dirty ground of Darktown.   
A sudden, very familiar voice hit his ears, and all the elf could do, was jump up and draw his sword.   
“No tricks! I know your magic!” Fenris barked into the darkness, that still worked for the male voice as a cover.   
Even though, as an elf, he could see much better in the dark than humans or dwarfs, he couldn´t find the owner of that voice.   
Panic washed over him, and the hair on the back of his neck started to stand up. Fenris could feel the magic on his skin and his lyrium started to glow a bit. A unpleasant tingle. 

“Is that how you greet an old Friend, my dear Ser Elf?” The voice echoed in the small, empty street.   
“You´re not my friend, Bloodmage!” Fenris spat, clenching his sword as if his dear life depend on it – which it probably did. He was afraid.   
The voice chuckled, and it felt like it was all around him – everywhere at once.   
“Those are really rude words, Fenris. We have spend such nice hours together. Freedom really doesn´t suit you well. No wonder your Master is angry.” 

Fenris could hear his own blood rushing in his ears, and his heart hammering painfully against his chest. Maybe this was the moment he had waited for. Maybe Danarius was also behind all this, and would show himself?   
“Show yourself, Crassus! Fight like a man, if you plan to attack me anyway!” He tried to lure the Mage out of his hiding place.   
And in fact, the Magister finally showed up. Like a shadow he came around a corner, the little moonlight, that was the only source of, at least, a bit light in the darkness, made him look like a creature from the fade, as it bathed his slender frame.   
Crassus was wearing a dark robe, his expensive-looking staff tied to his back. His long, black hair was tied back into a ponytail, and his eyes were shining in a unnatural red-ish light. Clearly he was using his bloodmagic right now. Fenris just couldn´t make out, what exactly he was doing.   
“I don´t plan to attack you, elf.” Crassus smiled gently, “Magister Danarius would be so angry if I hurt his toy.”   
“I am no toy! Nor do I have a Master anymore!” The warrior hissed, and hoped that the others would show up soon. “Why are you in Kirkwall? Tell me and I might spare your sad existence!” 

Again Crassus could only laugh. He was very calm, as he moved a bit up to Fenris. He didn´t seem to be afraid of his sword, nor did he seem like he expected Fenris to attack at all.   
“I thought you already suspected me, elf? You know about my experiments.”   
This time Fenris even backed away a bit. Crassus knew that he had told his friends about him. Was he watching him?   
“And still I can´t seem to finish it.” The Magister rolled his eyes annoyed, and brushed some black hair back. “No matter how much blood and lyrium I offer.. It´s never enough to keep my experiments alive long enough, to see if I am right with my theory. It´s a shame, really. I plan something big... and all I need is another source of Lyrium. Something, that is strong enough to survive my magic. And now, since you´re a free elf, Fenris... You could join me, and I promise you more than this, rats´ nest of a city, could ever offer you.” 

Fenris eyes were huge with panic and anger. He wasn´t dumb – he knew exactly how strong this Magister was. Even though his training gave him certain advantages against Mages, and even though he was willing to kill every Magister that crossed his way, he wasn´t sure if he could kill this one. And if he failed, his freedom would be lost again. Not a single second he believed the false promises. Mages were all the same. Lying, killing Monster that... Maybe not all Mages. Hawke had shown him a different side. 

“I´ll never work with you again!” The elf growled and finally raised his sword to attack. As soon as his blade hit Crassus´ skin – he simply disappeared into thin air. “Kaffar...!” Was all Fenris´ mouth left, as suddenly the Magister slender fingers, closed around his tattooed neck from behind.   
“Oh I´m sorry.” The Mage chuckled. “Did I make it sound like you have a choice?” 

Fenris felt the strong magic, rush through his body. It burned him from the very inside and his limbs started to twitch like he couldn´t control them anymore. His sword crashed to the ground with a loud noice, and in that moment Fenris knew, he had lost. He was desperate and angry, that a Magister had beaten him in a fight so easily... Would he ever see his friends again? Would he ever see Hawke again?   
The elf could feel something hot and heavy in his chest, and he really didn´t wanted to think about what kind of Magic was working on him right now. He closed his eyes and trying to think of a way to escape, as suddenly the magic stopped and Crassus´ fingers left his skin.   
Fenris opened his eyes in shock, seeing the glowing staff in the darkness and feeling the force-magic that had pushed the Magister away from him.   
“Hawke...!” Fenris legs wouldn´t carry him anymore and he crashed to his knees, as Anders send a lighting-bolt after the Magister and Isabela and Aveline ran with drawn swords past him, to attack the dark-haired man. 

Garrett came running to him quickly, helping him up again. His face showed worry, as he helped the elf to lean against the wall, before he carefully took a step back, to not touch him too much.   
“Are you hurt? Who is this and what happened?” He looked to see the Magister again, but saw only his friends, who looked around confused and cursing.   
Crassus was gone already. Disappeared as suddenly as he had shown up. 

Fenris took a deep breath, to calm himself down. He felt the shame burning on his face, that he had lost against a damn Magister.   
“Crassus.” He mumbled. “His name his Crassus. I was right, that he was behind those corpses. He is still trying to use their flesh, to earn more power. Maybe even their souls, since this was his main-goal. He is crazy... and strong.” A few curse words in Tevene followed and Fenris turned his head away, as the other three came to listen to his explanation.   
Anders stepped forward, raising a hand, that glowed with healing-magic. “Let me have a look at you, Fenris.” He said calmly, but his hand was slapped away roughly.   
“I don´t want your damn magic on me, abomination!” Fenris hissed and stepped away from the group completely. He didn´t wanted to see them. He didn´t wanted to hear their pity. His pride was hurt badly, and also Fenris now needed to fear not only Danarius, but also Crassus. This seemed hopeless. 

Since he turned away, only Hawke, Aveline and Isabela could see Anders´ face, that clearly showed how hurt he was. “This is not fair. I was trying to help. Asshole.” The blond mage mumbled under his breath. “But what did I expect?”   
Aveline sighed looked at the new corpse, that she hadn´t seen yet.   
“At least we now know, who is behind all this. A Tevinter Magister is really the last thing, this city needed. I will go back to the Barracks and send more guards out to look for him.” She nodded to herself and sighed again, “And then I need to talk to the Viscount. Depending on how much political influence this man has-”   
“Tell me you´re not thinking about to spear him, Aveline!” Hawke crossed his arms angrily, shaking his head. “It doesn´t matter if he has any influence in Tevinter! Their laws don´t work here!”   
“I don´t plan that, no.” The Guard-Captain growled, “He will go to jail for what he did. But we might have to send him back to Tevinter. We can´t risk more conflict with them. Or do you want a war, Hawke? The Mage-Templar Problems are big enough already. We don´t need to anger the Magisters, too. This is politics... I can´t change it.” 

Isabela rolled her eyes, while she took all the coin she could find on the corpses body. “Listen – As I see it, we have a crazy Killer-Bloodmage-Guy running loose in Kirkwall and he is clearly interested in our handsome elf, here.” She shrugged and smirked a bit, “I would say, we leave the political and guard issues to our big girl here, and we other three go and have a strong drink at the Hanged Man.”   
“And that will help us how exactly?” Anders mumbled, even though he wouldn´t mind a bit of distraction right now.   
Isabela stood up again, and smirked cheeky.   
“Well, besides that always is time for a drink? Who is sitting in the Hanged Man, and has his eyes and ears everywhere? I think there is no place that is saver for us, as well.” 

Hawke looked at Fenris, and nodded carefully. It was hard for him to see Fenris so upset, after what just had happened between them. He really planned this night differently. But right now was firstly important, that the elf was save from this crazy Magister. Maybe they would get a chance to talk about their relationship, once they arrived at the Hanged Man.   
“Isabela is right.” Garrett nodded again, “Varric will send his men out, as well as Aveline. Like this we really have covered the whole city.” His gaze was on the Guard-Captain. “Please let us know immediately, if your men find him, okay?” 

With this the group split up again.   
And while Aveline was on her way alone, Hawke and Anders exchanged quiet, worried looks and Isabela made sure Fenris wouldn´t run off alone again.   
Something was telling them, that sleeping wasn´t an option tonight.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you to DaemonMeg for Beta-Reading this time!!   
> It was big help! Thank you!
> 
> Also sorry for the lack of updates - had a tiny idea-block, but that will be hopefully better now :)

Even though it was in the middle of the night, and only a very few hours away from sunrise, the Hanged Man was still crowded. People were mostly drunk, still drinking cheap ale and singing some old songs very off tune to a bard playing somewhere in a corner. It smelled like piss, vomit, and old sweat – but this was more of a home than any Hightown-mansion could ever be.

Varric was surrounded by a few people who weren´t drunk enough yet to stop paying attention to him. They were listening to the story of a badass hero whose story sounded very similar to what happened to Hawke. Sometimes Garrett wondered if he would get in trouble someday if anybody read or listened to this story and found out it was actually about him. But as long as the whispers about the hero, that may or may not be Hawke, went around and brought him some kind of respect and a few benefits, he was fine with that.

As the group of four entered the Hanged Man, Varric saw them directly, since he chose his seat so that he could have an overview over the whole room in the Hanged Man. Nothing would happen here without him noticing it. The dwarf waved his hands to them to come over and explained to the people around him that his story was finished for today. Some really looked disappointed as they left; suggesting that his little adventure stories already had a fan club of their own.

“What brings you here, Hawke?” Varric smiled at his friends and waited for the group to sit down before he ordered some beer for all of them.  
Garrett sighed deeply, looking tired as he let a hand wander through his black hair. “I think we have some trouble again.”   
He started to explain what had happened and that they had found a few corpses already, who were most likely the victims of Crassus. Fenris sat at the end of the table with his head turned away as he listened to Hawke explaining again. As soon as he had his beer in hand, he emptied the glass in one go. Hopefully the alcohol would calm his raging mind a bit.  
Varric scratched his chin and sighed, taking a big gulp of his own beer. “I see,” the storyteller mumbled. “This is indeed a bit of a problem, isn´t it? Broody nearly has a bigger fan club than you Hawke. I mean the slavers who show up because of him, every now and then... and now a crazy cannibal blood mage.”  
“It´s not like I want this to happen!” the elf hissed directly, and shook his head. “Do you think this is fun? Do you really think I have nothing else to worry about, without another mage wanting to ruin my life? Spare me your mockery.”  
Isabela chuckled at Fenris’ sudden outburst of rage, earning a mean glare from the elf, before she raised her hand to order another beer for him. “I think you need much more of this stuff, sweetie. Your bad mood isn´t helping.”  
“And your brainless comment is helping how..?” Fenris snapped and turned his head away again.

Hawke sighed deeply again, looking at the elf in worry. “Don´t be mean, Fenris. She´s only trying to help. As much as everybody here is. We are not your enemies.”  
“Are you not?” Words that the elf regretted directly again. He could see some of his friends twitching a bit at the hissed words, as if he had just slapped them in the face. His distrust wasn´t really what they deserved, but Fenris had his doubts that they would stand behind him at the End of all days.

“This is how you think then?” Anders shook his head, emptied his water and got up again. “If you can´t even trust us a tiny bit, I don´t see why I should help you. Why anybody should help you.”   
He didn´t sound angry at all, but rather hurt again. Fenris was confused about the mage’s behavior since that night he went to him with his chest-wound. If he thought closely about it, Anders had already acted weirdly around him for a few weeks. Not aggressive anymore, not stubborn – but rather easily hurt and nearly caring. Even if that thought left a bitter taste in Fenris´ mouth.

To his surprise Isabela got up too, and followed Anders. “You´re no fun today, handsome.” She shrugged. “Really I have coins to collect and a pretty dwarf-lady waiting for me in Hightown tonight.”   
The pirate stopped for a moment and smirked, like she always does. “Don´t look at me like that! I will keep my eyes and ears open anyway. Good for you, that you have such pretty eyes. If I hear anything, I´ll let you guys know.”

And with that the group suddenly was much smaller, only leaving Varric, Hawke, and Fenris. The elf again turned his head away, feeling angry and ashamed to have hurt the people who seemed to care about his safety. Honestly, that wasn´t a smart move of him. Fenris knew that he should be more careful with his angry outbursts and that he owed those people more than he wanted to. But his fear of being alone again at some point made him snap at them at every single bad moment. What a paradox.

Varric cleared his throat. “Well that went gloriously. Really Broody, your temper is a bit of a bitch sometimes.” He chuckled “Good that we dwarfs take no offense in anything. Anyway – back to our problem. We have a blood mage somewhere in Kirkwall…again. And this time he is after Broody, so first things first – we should take care that the elf here is safe. Then we look for that bastard, Bianca will have a talk with him, and everything will be fine again.”

“He can´t be killed that easily.” Fenris grumbled and sighed deeply. “If it was so easy, he would be dead by now. But his magic is strong and I fear he knows exactly how to manipulate me using my markings.”  
“Manipulate? Oh I don´t like the sound of that, elf. Does that mean he could make you – what? Attack us? Attack yourself? Freeze? Go nuts and dance a bit?” Varric raised his hand to have his glass refilled. This topic clearly needed more of the tasty liquid.

“Something…like that yes.” The warrior sighed and looked at his hands. “He used his magic on me back in that alley and I couldn´t move anymore. I´m sure this would have been my end if the others didn´t come,” he admitted, even though his pride suffered a bit.

The situation seemed so helpless. Crassus could find him and come again when he was alone and defenseless. The others couldn´t be around all the time, and in the end Fenris himself might be a danger to them.  
He looked up from his hands again, over to Hawke, who was surprisingly quiet for a long while now. The mage stared at his cup of beer, as if he was deep in thought. Fenris felt his heart beating faster; thinking of holding this man in his arms, and slowly the thought about Hawke´s mistake went to the back of his head and vanished. The elf hated himself for forgiving so easily.  
If only the thought of shame and guilt over what happened would disappear as easily. Now Fenris wondered if Hawke wouldn´t want to touch him ever again and also if this worry mattered at all. Fenris knew that he needed some space now, he couldn´t simply fall back into the man’s arms as if nothing had happened.

“What if we can´t stop him? What if he kills many other people first?” Garrett suddenly mumbled, scratching his head and sighing deeply. “I don´t see how it would help us to hide Fenris away first. Instead, he should be our bait to lure this sick guy out of his hiding place, right? We could set a trap and all attack him at once. We’re strong enough to do this.”  
Fenris twitched at the words and shook his head immediately. “If we do this, I can´t say for sure that all of us make it out of that fight unharmed, or alive. This isn´t a simple bandit, Hawke.”  
“Since when are you worried about getting harmed?” Hawke growled a bit more aggressively than the elf would have expected. “Aren´t you the one who always points out that every fight could be the last one?”  
The warrior held Hawke´s gaze for a moment silently before he got up and explained, “You underestimate the situation, and I don´t want this. I don´t need this!”  
Hawke got up as well. “Is this about not trusting us again?! Are you too good to take our help all of a sudden? This wasn´t a problem before, Fenris!”  
The elf could hear Varric mumble something about how much fun they all were tonight, as he, himself, glared at the mage for saying this.

“You don´t understand THIS! You don´t understand ME, Hawke! Don´t be so arrogant to believe you do!” He held up a long, clawed finger, pointing up as a warning. “I don´t want you to fight against Crassus. I don´t want you to get in touch with his magic. You have no idea what I´ve seen and what I´ve done with him-”

“With him? What have you done with him? What is this all about, Fenris? You have barely told us anything about him, besides that he is a blood mage that uses the flesh of his victims. You seem to know him quite well, don´t you? What happened back in Tevi-”

“No!” Fenris interrupted Hawke. “This is none of you business, Mage! Keep your false jealousy for yourself! I don´t need to discuss this with you. I don´t want your help in this, so stop it and leave it be!” He turned around to leave the tavern, since he felt like his head might explode from all the anger.

He needed fresh air and to calm down again. Fenris had a hard time understanding what Hawke´s words were all about. Did it matter so much, in what relation Fenris stood to Crassus? He had worked with him back in the day, but that wasn´t something the elf was proud of and he would rather not tell Hawke. What would the mage think of him, if he told him the whole story? He would turn his back and never speak to him again. Fenris couldn´t bear the thought of that. Also he was sure that Hawke could be in danger, if he was involved too deeply. Maybe he should make sure that nobody got involved at all and leave Kirkwall until things were calm and clear again.   
But Fenris couldn´t even finish his thought when suddenly the door opened behind him and Hawke grabbed his hand – stopping him from running away again.  
“Please wait Fenris…”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a very huge thank you to DaemonMeg for Beta-Reading! This is such a big help! Many Kudos to you!

Chapter 12. 

Had the Maker himself cursed him? What else could possibly go wrong today? It had started so nicely and suddenly everything went downhill. What happened between him and Hawke, Crassus coming back to him, he had offended his friends with his rage, and now he had even argued with Hawke.   
All Fenris wanted to do now was to go back to his home and drink until he forgot what happened. 

Even if that was probably the most stupid thing he could do right now.   
With a magister looking for him… No, two magisters now, he shouldn´t drink and fall into a deep defenseless sleep. 

Fenris hated it when he felt powerless and depended on other the help of other people. He had taken care of himself for three years! He could do it again – but since he was part of this little group, the elf felt like he had let his guard down. Among those people it was like he was safe and happy for a moment. Maybe this was his biggest mistake. He should have known that this would end badly. 

Also there was a tiny bit of guilt and worry deep within him. Hawke had been right when he stressed that Fenris was the one who always said that every fight could be their last– but was it right that he placed those people in danger now? Was he arrogant to believe they even would act as shields against the danger at all?   
Anders and Isabela had clearly shown that they weren´t ready to mindlessly follow him. Hawke and Varric though...

His thoughts were disturbed as Garrett came after him to stop him from running. Usually the mage respected Fenris urge to be alone when he felt overwhelmed with a situation, but this time he didn´t seem to pay attention to that. 

“Fenris please, don´t run now. It´s not safe and I need to talk to you.” Hawke sighed and stopped, when the warrior luckily did the same.   
“Listen, I didn´t mean to argue with you. I am worried and I really am not sure what all this is about. Suddenly there’s another magister, and he is after you of all people! I don´t want to see you in danger. So don´t run away from me like this. Not now.” The mage hesitated and took a deep breath.   
“I know after what happened earlier, you would probably rather stay very far away from me... but looking at the situation, we maybe should deal with this once Crassus is gone.” 

The elf crossed his arms and turned his face away from Hawke. He really wasn´t sure what he should think about that. Was Hawke really that worried? Could he really just forget, even just for a moment, what had happened?   
“Hawke... This is not your problem. You shouldn´t worry about me, and I don´t need protection. Especially not from another mage.” Fenris was aware that his words would likely hurt again. “Crassus is a danger that I don´t want you to face. You haven´t seen what he does to other mages, and I’m really worried that you´re not strong enough to stand against him. None of you. So don´t play the foolish hero and leave me alone.”

Garret grabbed Fenris’ hand and he raised his other in shock – ready to attack and reach into Garrett´s chest.  
“Don´t-!”   
“No shut up and listen to me now, Fenris!” Hawke roared, but the huge human-hand that had closed itself around Fenris´ wasn´t holding him roughly. If Fenris wanted to, he could pull his hand away – but he didn´t.   
“I am sorry. I am sorry about what happened. I was so blown away by… how perfect this was, that I forgot to pay attention. It was a huge mistake, and I see that I destroyed everything... But please, Fenris. Let me stay your friend. At least when it comes to fighting you always trusted me as much as the others. You don´t need to push me and everybody else away now, just because we rushed something that-”  
“Are you truly so arrogant to believe that everything I do now, is because I am – what? A blushing maiden that can´t deal with some fool that can´t control when he cums? Maker, Hawke! We´re not teenagers that...” Fenris shook his head, unable to keep his quickly pounding heart from calming down. 

“Is it so hard to believe that I really don´t want to place any of you in danger? Do you all think of me as that egoistic?” The elf huffed, pulling his hand away from Hawke´s.   
“Crassus is unlike Danarius, Hawke. He even is a step further now, since HE found me here and is ready to attack when Danarius still seems to take his joy from letting me wait for him.” Fenris started to pace now, deep in his thoughts and trapped in emotions of anger and fear that bubbled up in his chest  
“Crassus has used my blood before,” he admitted, sounding guilty. “Back then in Tevinter, when I had no other choice but to accept blood-magic as part of my everyday life, I never thought about what that could mean. Crassus and I worked together in secret, and I got one or two little presents for that. You have no idea what it means to receive something, when you have literally nothing. But all I could offer was my body – my blood, the lyrium in my skin and... whatever else he needed to take. He is aware of... what my body is actually born as and he even hinted using this to his advantage I... ” It was hard to dwell on the times, the thrill and panic that Danarius might find out what his faithful little wolf was doing behind his back. 

“What does that mean exactly?” Hawke asked carefully.   
“I fear he might be able to control me. At some point... I- I couldn´t attack him, and was basically defenseless. If you guys hadn´t shown up, I probably would have gone with him. He would use me and the lyrium to be more powerful and... Whatever that mad-man has planned, at least Danarius wouldn´t stand a chance against him then...” A short bitter laugh escaped Fenris´ lips.   
“I don´t want you to be there if that happens. I don´t want to be the one that raises a sword against you. Harm you or kill you.” The warrior stopped his pacing and looked up to Hawke again. He felt his heart clench painfully.   
“I.. am thankful for what you did, Hawke. And the others too. You’ve helped me out for a long time, and it was a pleasure to know you...but I think I should leave Kirkwall and-” 

The elf couldn´t finish his sentence, or even his thought, since Hawke pulled him in his arms, pressing him against his large chest. Fenris flinched immediately, and tensed, being so suddenly so close to someone again... but Hawkes´ smell and warmth made him remember how gentle his touch had felt on his skin, and how careful he had been with him.   
There was no need to feel attacked. 

“Don´t you dare think about leaving Kirkwall.” Hawke mumbled quietly against the large ear. “Not as long as Crassus or Danarius are after you. I will help you until you can travel without danger. After that...well you´re a free man, and free to decide if you still want to leave or not. But don´t push me and your friends away when you need us.” 

Fenris kept quiet and still for a long time.   
Neither of them dared to move or say anything. The elf carefully placed his hands on Garrett´s shoulders, feeling the fur of his armor against his fingers. 

“..you´re still a arrogant fool.” He finally managed to say. “Being so sure that I need you in this.” He wasn´t sure if Hawke could hear the smirk in voice, but he clearly wasn´t attacking anymore with his words. 

Luckily the mage started to chuckle. “I can´t help that I´m everybody´s hero. I just know when I am needed.” 

Fenris carefully pushed him away a bit, so he had the chance to look at his face. “Everybody´s hero?” He raised an eyebrow, just to meet a wide grin.   
“Especially yours.”   
“I don´t need a hero.”   
“Now you wound me, Ser!” 

Trying to keep himself from thinking too much, Fenris leaned closer. But just before he could reach Garrett´s lips, he heard Varric laugh close by. Embarrassed, the warrior escaped from Hawkes´ arms around his body and cleared his throat. 

“Now I understand why you two suddenly started arguing like an old married couple.” Varric was leaning against the door-frame of the Hanged Man´s entrance. “This is rather interesting. I was wondering if Blondie would start to make eyes at Broody soon, but seeing this... No wonder he’s especially grumpy these last couple of days.” 

“Anders would do what..?” Hawke blinked confusedly, sounding a bit jealous, but he wouldn’t get his answer anytime soon.   
“Can we just...not discuss this?” Fenris growled and shook his head, even though he was just as confused about Varric’s comment as Hawke. 

The dwarf slapped his hands together and smirked happily. “I would suggest we finally get some shit started, eh? I´ve already send some men looking out for that creepy magister, while you two were making up. I bet Aveline already has some news for us, too… And if we gather Blondie and Isabela back we can go and kick some ass. I want this to be over soon so I can finally start writing again.”   
Varric walked past Hawke and Fenris, who followed him in irritation. “Two Mages and an Elf – I really should think about a title already.”   
“Please don´t.”


End file.
